Philophobia- A Jonathan Crane Fanfiction

Just a Normal Wednesday

Alexandria Crane laughed at her husband's joke. "When did you get so funny?" she asked him.

"Well, if you must know... Edward told me that one," Johnathan Crane admitted.

"Oh, Edward!" Alex gasped. "Edward Nigma, how is he? I thought you guys didn't get to see each other anymore!"

"Ah, yes, I forgot to tell you. Yesterday, they moved Edward's lunchtime to be the same as mine. He's normally in solitary confinement when I'm at lunch on Tuesdays, but Jervis Tetch- the Mad Hatter- got into a brutal fight with one of the guards and needed to be put in solitary confinement early. I wasn't there, but Edward told me that Tetch sliced the guard's nose off with one of his playing cards... and now the guard's family is suing this place," Jonathan said with a laugh.

Alex chuckled. "Honestly, instead of suing, that guard should just tear this place down. Which guard was it?"

"Strucker. Gladwyn Strucker. The one with the all-military family." John smirked. "Funny thing is, Gladwyn fears guns. He never carries one. Only a tazer and a club."

Alex bit her lip and shook her head playfully. She loved her weekly chats with her husband. She didn't love that they had to talk through phones because of the twelve-inch thick bulletproof glass that separated them. That's right. Her husband was in prison. But that was because Jonathan Crane was the Scarecrow, one of Gotham's most feared villains. He was extremely close to perfecting his fear serum and releasing it over Gotham to further his research on fear. When Batman finally busted him four months ago, Alex was devastated. Her only comfort now was from her best friend, Harleen Quinzel, and her half-hour weekly conversations with her husband every Wednesday. She was close to being arrested as well, but she got lucky because they didn't have any evidence of her breaking the law.

Four months earlier: "You're his WIFE! Obviously, you were involved in Scarecrow's plans!" Detective Harvey Bullock yelled at Alex in the interrogation room of the police station.

"Of course, I was involved!" Alex huffed at the rotund man. "But I never did anything illegal! You can't arrest me! And he has a name, it is Doctor Jonathan Crane!"

Bullock stared her down. "Conspiring with a criminal."

"John and I were simply working on our research," Alex said, trying to calm down.

"Yes, but-"

"Harvey, that's enough," Commissioner Jim Gordon ordered, walking into the room. "She's right. She's never been in the same place as the Scarecrow, so we have nothing on her. We have to let her go."

"Thank You!" Alex exclaimed, standing up.

"Now now, Alex, that doesn't mean we won't be keeping an eye on you. Don't slip up, or you'll be in the woman's ward at Arkham, never allowed to see your husband again," Jim warned.

Alex nodded and walked out. As she was leaving, she heard Bullock turn on Jim.

"Commish! You're only letting her go because you were friends with her dad, is that right?" Bullock growled.

"How dare you accuse me of that. I am simply avoiding a lawsuit! I don't allow my personal life to interfere with my work life," Jim scolded. "Besides, Alex has been doing incredibly well ever since Cobblepot killed her parents. I don't want to set back that progress at all."

Alex couldn't listen to it anymore. She ran out of the station...

"Darling? Are you still with me?" Jonathan asked, waving his hand at her. "I asked you how Harleen was."

"Oh, oh right. Sorry love. Uhm, she lost her job, again," Alex smiled and shook her head.

Jonathan snorted. "What was it this time?"

"She was a vet," Alex recalled. "But she was convinced that she knew what the animals needed based on their psyche. She'd constantly argue with her boss. I believe the incident that lost Harleen her job involved her trying to 'rescue' a cat while they were operating on it. Now she's actually looking at a job here, in Arkham, to be a psychiatrist, like you."

Jonathan nodded. "When she's not acting like a complete jester, Harleen is a very smart girl. She'd have potential, working here. Plus, she'd be closer to Pamela... who says hi by the way. I saw her while we were out in the cement yard, forced to make bricks." He held up his hands, which were all blistered and cut.

Alex cringed at the sight. She was about to say something when the guard behind her yelled, "Ayo lovebirds! Two minutes!"

She nodded at him and turned back to her husband. "How's the library selection? Any books that you want me to get you for next week?"

"Ah, yes, actually. Art & Fear: Observations On the Perils (and Rewards) of Artmaking, by David Bayles. That one is in the library of our penthouse. It's an early 2000s book, I  haven't read it in a while," Jonathan requested.

Alex told him she would get it for him and bit her lip to prevent tears from falling.

"Darling, don't bite your lip, you know I hate it when you do that," John whispered softly. "We'll see each other again next week, yeah?"

Alex nodded slowly. "I hate leaving you here with these pigs." She gestured to the guards. "I'm so afraid they'll change you."

"Now that's a fear I haven't studied," John said, trying to cheer her up. "Now you've given me something to think about until next week. And don't worry, Alex. They'll NEVER change me."

Alex sighed and hung up the phone. She blew him a kiss and he blew her one back. Then she watched as the guards manhandled him into a straight jacket, nearly knocking off his glasses. Even though the bulletproof glass window was thick, she could still hear their teasing.

"Ha! Guess you'll see your wife next week, huh Doctor? I assume you'll be thinking about her a lot in solitary confinement for the next three hours. See Crane, I get to go home after my shift and get a homecooked meal from my old lady. Then, once the kids go to bed, she pleasures me because I do such a great job keeping the freaks like you at bay," one guard taunted.

Jonathan only chuckled. "You know, Gerry, it would be a shame if someone left your son's window unlocked tonight and the darkness crept in and killed him. And the last thing he would see before he died was his worst fear: you, getting impaled by Killer Croc's claws. Oh, and you know why that's his worst fear? Because you left your children at the river that day, thinking they'd be safe while you went to get your beer. But no, Waylon was in that water, watching, and waiting, for the perfect moment. And when that moment was upon him, right before your son's very eyes, he leapt out and bit your eldest daughter's head clean off." John laughed maniacally. "And you came back to the river, your Voodoo Ranger IPA in your hand, only to see your son crying over his sister's decapitated body!"

"SHUT UP!" Gerry, the guard, screamed, whipping out his tazer.

"No, Gerry, he's just trying to bait you! This is the reaction he wants!" The other guard warned, but it was too late. Gerry jammed the tazer into John's neck and didn't relent until the other guard managed to wrench him off.

"NO!" Alex screamed, lunging at the glass. But the guard on her side pulled her away, and the last thing she was before she was pulled out of the visiting room was Jonathan Crane's steaming body hitting the ground.

Yep.

This was just a normal Wednesday.