Lonely

Day 100

I slept for a few hours and left saying goodbye to Autumn. I don't want to leave her in again for another bear to break in but now I don't have a choice. It's my life or death and I chose the first option. I hate doing this again, but at least my leg isn't cramping as before. Todd is right about one thing: you'll get used to walking a lot. I can kill some rabbits out till then. Save some for Autumn.

I realized today is a new year, and nothing changes for me. Everything just feels the same to me. I've been stuck in a time loop every day, thinking I'm in a dream and can't wake up. But this is real and I hate that it is. Like goddamn. During the new year, I celebrated with Emma and me. No one else is nuts, just us. We agree having a big celebration is too much and bringing family members will be awkward since we don't talk to our families. The only one I have is my mom. Emma's parents don't talk to each other and her a lot. Just moving on with their lives like us. Emma and I go to different places to celebrate. A bar, sporting event, and even a skiing resort where we watch fireworks on a roof. This time I've missed the biggest thing in my life because of this. I can't be mad at this. To be honest, I like it here. There's no one to bother me at work, smiling at the air instead of the smell of seafood. I don't even have to worry about my bills or the house. The price just gets higher and higher every month, that was bullshit right there. When I get back, I should move to a smaller house. To fit with me, Emma, and my future child. That would be picturing it. Ever since I've been here, I feel like a new man. Not some spoiled fat-ass worker who has a temper to everything. I'm a survivor, I mean I killed a bear and I survived it. This place changes me and I don't want to go back to my old life. But I do need a doctor. I wish I was one, it would've been easy. I forgot about the honey for a second.

I think I made it. I see the lake frozen now. It's crazy like this is larger than an ice arena. I didn't know where to step, everything was covered in snow. I can't tell whether it's safe or not. I see the trees from across and the only way to make it is to get across. Connor already stepped in one and looked where it got to him. It sucks balls. First thing is to get rid of heavy equipment on my backpack so I don't weigh my pound on the ice so the chance of not breaking. I'm thinking of digging a hole to stash my things in and leaving a stick so I'll know where it is. This is the most terrifying thing I've experienced in my life. My heart is racing so much. Why does everything around here have to be so hard to find? Need to calm down. I'll suffocate in this weather If I keep this up. Wish me luck.

I barely made it. But I'm alive. I was so close to drying. I walked very solely in every step. I was scared of where I was going, and I stepped into one that was cracked. I got slinked in. Just my legs. I tossed my backpack out on the ice before it got wet. I left my ax and then I was underwater. I don't know how I got out. I was panicking. I didn't know what to do for a second. I was swept away by the current nightmare of that fall. Everything was blurry to see, I couldn't see a yard away. I just kept touching the ice till I felt a hole. I did find one just in time. I couldn't push it, so I hit the hole with my ax It was breaking and I was losing my breath. I was going to pass till there it fit enough to fill my head in. I got out of the ice but I couldn't get a grip. I use the ax to pull myself out. The ice was breaking more and I let go of the ax, stinking in the water. I jump to another ice just in time when that happens. I pull all that I have. Then I made it. I'm tired at this point. I sat for about twenty minutes and then pushed myself to walk. I saw the backpack not 20 feet apart. This time I just crawled to reach it and made it across. I better find some honey after all that.

Okay, so I did find some honey, thank God. It took me a while before I spotted a tree that had a giant gap in it. There were bees everywhere. A beehive at that point. I lost the ax and left the hatchet in the dirt, so I had to do this with my bare hand. I was covered in ice and water so maybe there's a chance the bees won't sting me.

Just after I got stung, I'm just a dumbass. I have a pocket knife in my jacket. I can just cut the top off instead of peeling it. Turns out it half works. I got stung a few times on my arm, but I'll manage. All the bees just gather out of the tree waiting to die. I did kill their home. Sucks for them. This wouldn't fit in the container, so I put it in the backpack. Dumb choice, but it's enough to clean the wound and Autumn. Plus eating some honey. I can't do that. I saw a storm coming by when I was leaving. It was big. The wind was pirating, and the ice was getting harder. A hurricane is coming. I need to get back to Autumn. I took a long way, but it will be safer. I need something bigger than a fort wall.