Precious Star

Stars

With my sandals in my hand and the sound of the waves crashing beside me, I felt as if heaven had come down to earth. Tonight had been perfect, the win for the team, the way things were falling perfectly into place. Nothing could take any of that from me.

"You shouldn't be with someone who makes you feel scared, Valentine."

"I know, but these feelings just started today."

"They shouldn't have started in the first place," Charles responded. He was right. "If he reacted like that to something minor, imagine how he would react to something bigger."

"I think he might ask to make it official tomorrow."

"Why do you think that?"

"He wanted us to go out to dinner tonight, and I said no, obviously. So he said tomorrow night because he has 'something big for us.' Whatever that means."

"And what are you going to say, if he does ask you."

"I'm not sure," My heart was sure of my answer, but my mind was confused and all over the place right now. "I'll have to see."

Charles just hummed in response. After a while he sat on the sand, looking out at the sea. The stars were visible and my two stars we shining as bright. "Was this your first time since Jules that you had another attack like that?" he asked, turning to look at me.

Looking up at the stars I sighed, "No."

"No? I thought they had stopped."

"They had."

"Then? When did they start up again?"

A moment of silence passed, as tears formed in my eyes. "The day you left." That day Jules passed away I went home and completely my mind went blank, yet again. My whole world had fallen apart, I had no one to live or die for. The three most important people in my life had left. Two of them were on the same day. That night I had the worst one I had ever experienced, it went on for hours. Regardless of how bad it was, I didn't cry. I hadn't allowed myself to. Because I knew that if I had cried that night I would've not been here tonight with Charles.

Turning to look at him, I saw a tear fall down his cheeks, quickly looking away and wiping them. "Charles, don't blame yourself."

"No, Valentine. Don't tell me not to blame myself," his voice cracking as tears continued to fall. "You had to go through that for so long, all by yourself. All because I was fucken selfish and ignorant-"

"Charles, look at me!" I said, firmly yet carefully grabbing his facing. "You couldn't have known."

"But I could've been there," he whispered. Looking into his eyes, you could easily see everything you needed to know about him. But I need to know just one more thing that I couldn't figure out for these past five years. "I want you to be completely honest with me Charles. No bullshitting, ok?"

"Anything," he responded firmly.

"Where were you that day?"

Charles POV:

"You had gone out to get us coffee, that's what you told me you had gone to do," Alaina explained.

"I had, but I left."

*Flashback*

Walking back from the cafeteria I had two coffee cups in hand, right as I was about to open the door I heard her first scream. "Charles!" Quickly looking through the monitor I saw Valentine shaking an unconscious Jules. "Charles!" She called out for me but I couldn't move, my body had completely stilled.  "Jules, don't leave me. Please. I need you, JULES WAKE UP!" Being pushed out of the way by nurses and doctors I watched as they entered the room and pulled Valentine away.

Watching her being held back by nurses I knew I should have gone inside and held her. But I couldn't. Watching her suffer through that made me think about the suffering she would have to endure with me. What would happen if the same thing happen to me? What would she do? I knew she wouldn't make it.

So I did what I thought was best, leave. If I wasn't a part of her life she wouldn't have to suffer. She wouldn't have to lose someone else. I'd rather lose her than she lose me.

*End of flashback*

"I left you because I didn't want you to go through something like that again."

"What?"

"That day I had gotten a call about joining Van Amersfoort in F3 and seeing you in pain made me think, 'What if that was me?' 'How would she get through everything if the same thing happened to me?' I couldn't put you through that."

"So you left," she whispered, looking out at the ocean.

"Yes, it's what I thought was best back then, but now I realize I was wrong."

"Where did you go? Your family didn't know where you were for three years," she turned back to me, her eyes slightly brimmed with tears but none of them fell.

"They did know, I just made them promise they wouldn't tell you."

"Why?"

"Because you and I both know you would've gone and chased me down. Plus I needed time to process everything. I couldn't go back to you and help you when I was grieving at the same time."

"We could've gone through it, together," she whispered. A small tear fell down her cheek. It hurt me to see her hurt. And it hurt most that I was the one who had caused all this pain.

"We could have, but I wanted to be there for you completely or not at all." I saw as she leaned back and looked up at the stars.

After some silence, she spoke up, "You know, every night whether I'm at home or in a hotel, I go out to the rooftop and look up at the stars."

"Why?"

"Papa used to tell me my mama was the brightest star of them all so he would take me up to see her and talk to her. After he passed away I went out and looked for him in the stars. Jules found me one night and accompanied me every night after. After Jules passed away, I couldn't go out and look for him in the stars. I refused to believe it." Laying down beside her I looked up and watched as her hands reached out to the stars, almost as if she was holding them in her hands. "But the night before I started this season I went up on my roof for the first time since Jules passed away and I saw Papa and him. You see those two?"

Following her finger, I watched as she pointed to the two brightest stars in the sky. Humming in response, she whispered, "That's Papa and Jules."

Turning to look at her I was in complete awe. She looked absolutely beautiful. The way her hair fell beside her as her eyes shined regardless of the lack of light around us. The moon and stars gave her a perfect glow to her skin.

"I will join them up there, one day."