Sweet Lost Love

21

I made a decision base on my feelings. I will probably look back today and think this was crazy but I know I will never regret eloping with Hesper.

"Nagugutom ka na ba? Gusto mong kumain muna?" Masuyo na tanong ni Hesper.

We're riding a bus going southern. We're planning to go somewhere real far that no one will surely recognize us. We stayed in an inn for days— and after the news cools down, he decided to sell his car in a very low price and we went running.

The first days are draining. I never took a public transportation my whole life, ngayon pa lang. Pero hindi ako nagreklamo kahit minsan sa kanya. I know his struggle, too. Before we dispose our sim cards he talked with his parents, they clearly told him there will be no help coming unless he bring me back to my family. We already made a choice and we're on this together, wala ng balikan lalo at nalaman niyang may engagement na magaganap sa amin ni Dash sa mismong debut ko.

I checked the social media— we're both on trend. He's being accused of kidnapping me. Si mommy lang ang maraming statements sa media. Hesper's family keep their silence, they didn't even bother clearing his name— it is as if they don't know about what's going on.

I've been praying that no one will ever recognize us, and for days being in the road... Papalit palit kami ng bus sinasakyan, wala pa namang nakakilala sa aming dalawa.

He cut my hair— shoulder length, and he shave his head in a clean army cut for additional disguise. We look mature— so different with the pictures they're using in finding us.

"Kung pagod ka pwede muna tayong magpahinga. Check in muna tayo para makahiga ka ng maayos."

Kesa sagutin siya ay pumilig ako sa balikat niya tsaka pumikit. It's night time again. I thought I will feel guilty or have second thoughts but we're too far now and I feel alright— I feel comfortable and safe being with him.

He took my hand ang grip it hard. I hear him sigh. This is hard for both of us but the trouble is doubled on his part— siya ang magsisikap para sa aming dalawa. Wala akong alam na gawin. I know I will learn sooner or later, pero habang nagsisimula sa kanya lahat. I will be a clear burden.

"Gusto mo bang bumalik?" he asked me that countless of times already. Bawat bayan na malagpasan namin iyon ang tanong niya.

Everything is messy now. Halos dalawang linggo na kaming tumatakbo, patigil-tigil kung saan para iligaw silang lahat. Kapag bumalik kami ako lang walang sasagutin pero siya? He'll be in serious trouble.

"Ayaw ko."

His arms cover my shoulder like he's protecting me with whatever. "Hindi ka ba magsisisi? Hindi magiging madali ang lahat. Magsisikap ako pero maraming bagay na hindi ko pa maibibigay sa 'yo o baka hindi ko na talaga maibigay."

Umahon ako sa pagkakasandal sa kanya. Hinarap ko siya para tignan ang mukha niya. He is clearly heartbroken— he is hurt that he can't provide well for me. I scoop his face with my small hands— his eyes shut, feeling me.

"I don't care whatever life we will have, Hes. A simple life. A hard life. I won't shake. Alam kong hindi mo ako pababayaan. We will survive all this."

He wet his lips before opening his eyes again. The worries are still there but a glimse of hope is dancing with it. "Mahal na mahal kita, Lil. Magsisikap ako."

I nodded, believing him. I trust him fully. I know he will never lie to me. He is true to his words.

Thinking of home it made me more sure with my decision. I had a very nice life. I had everything. But I never had the love I need. Dad loves me, but he has no time for me, he is always away— he only compensate with material things. And mommy? Surely, it made her relieved that I am already out of their life. Siguro nga matagal na niya itong gustong mangyari— to throw me out of their life. To remove the bastard.