You Were Worth it

Chapter 8

Kaminari took a deep breath as he stared at his front door. His friends dropped him off, wishing him luck. Now, it was just him and the ugly red door. His boyfriend was on the other side, and he didn't know if he was ready. How was he supposed to face him after running like he did? He felt like a coward.

Standing in the hallway and delaying isn't going to do anything other than make his anxiety grow. He clutched the duffle bag on his shoulder and let out a shaky breath before pushing the door open slowly. The lights were on, and Shinso's shoes sat by the door.

"It's now or never," he mumbled as he stepped inside, quietly shutting the door behind him. It didn't matter how quiet he tried to be. The door was the most obnoxious thing on the planet. It squeaked loudly behind him. "Hitoshi?" he called out quietly while kicking his shoes off.

As he dropped his bag by the front door, he heard his boyfriend's footsteps walking down the hallway. When they came face to face, they stayed silent. Neither of them knew what to say. They had a lot to talk about, but they didn't know where to start.

Shinso took a few steps forward before wrapping his arms around the blond, pulling him close to his chest. "Denki, I'm so fucking sorry," he mumbled. Without saying a word himself, Kaminari was already a mess. Tears were forming in his eyes. He loves him despite all the hell his boyfriend put him through.

Kaminari wrapped his arms around Shinso, squeezing as tightly as possible. Even when everything went wrong, nothing felt better than being in his embrace. "I missed you," he mumbled.

"I missed you too, Baby," Shinso replied as he slowly pulled away.

Kaminari grabbed his boyfriend's hand, giving it a light squeeze. He started steering him to the living room but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw both bookshelves had been emptied while he was away. The tears fell down his eyes faster as he looked around the kitchen and living room. It only took him a minute or two to realize Shinso's belongings were gone.

His breathing became staggered as he felt his airway close. "Baby, take a deep breath," Shinso whispered desperately. He knew this would happen and didn't want to do it, but he had to. There isn't another option.

"P-Please don't leave me!" Kaminari cried as he fell to his knees. His heart was screaming in his chest. "I'll do what you want, please!" He wailed as the tears running down his cheek practically turned into a river.

"Baby," Shinso's voice cracked as he dropped to his knees in front of him. "This is why I have to leave. You don't need to lower your standards and do things that make you want to end your life. You are worth so much more than that."

"But I can't do this without you!" Kaminari cried out. "Please!"

Shinso didn't say anything in response as he grabbed the blond's hands and slowly removed his cuffs. For the first time in his life, Kaminari didn't stop him. Shinso knew what was there. "Denki, this isn't okay. The fact that I caused this isn't okay. I don't want to do this to you anymore."

Kaminari knew what he was saying. He was choosing his addiction over him. He would lose the love of his life because he had a sex addiction. A part of him knew this could happen, but he still chose to put himself first. It was something he would regret for the rest of his life. He wished he kept his mouth silent. He wouldn't be losing Shinso now if he had.

"Denki, I'm not leaving you because I want to continue to feed my addiction. I'm leaving you because I want to get better, and I want you to be safe. I want you to love your life again."

"How can I love my life if you aren't here?" Kaminari mumbled as his eyes fell to his scarred wrists.

"You need to love yourself again. You can't do that with me here, and I can't be here and get better."