You Were Worth it

Chapter 15

Denki,

I hope you're doing well and finally living the life you want to live. I heard you have a new job and work with Midoriya. I hope you like it and the customers aren't too much of a pain in the ass. Most importantly, I hope you're no longer self-harming. I know I was the main reason for that, and I hope to god that me leaving gave you the courage you need.

I've been seeing a therapist regularly and a psychiatrist every few weeks. Getting back on my anti-depressants has helped a lot. I don't have the same urges and obsessions I used to have, but I'm still not completely better. I have a lot of trauma I'm trying to work through, and there's still so much of my life and childhood that I don't understand yet.

I finally learned how to forgive myself for everything I put you through. Although it wasn't easy, it definitely made it easier for me to move on and start working on the problem instead of crying about it. The thing is, I'm not ready for you to forgive me. I may have the majority of the sex thing under control, but I'm still not ready. I'm not the man I want to be or the man you deserve. You deserve so much in life, Denki. I just hope I'll be able to give that to you again one day.

I really hope you're doing well and taking care of yourself. I'm sorry I left you like I did. I couldn't stand the thought you would take it too far, and nobody would be able to help you. I love you so much, and I never wanted to hurt you. I promise it was never my intention. I love you more than you'll ever understand. And one day, I want to share that love with you again.

-Hitoshi Shinso

Kaminari folded the letter and tucked it under his pillow. He's sure he's read it a hundred times already, but he couldn't stop. He wanted more. He wanted to sit down with Shinso and have a conversation. He wanted to talk to him about everything they'd been doing.

He wanted to hold him. He regrets wrapping his arms around him last week. It only made him miss Shinso more. He forgot how comforting he was and how good he always smelled.

Kaminari stood from his bed and grabbed his phone. He debated between three people to call, but only one of them could give him the distraction he needed. He didn't want to talk about Sora—no matter how much he loved her. He also didn't want to talk about his feelings, so he didn't call his best friend either.

He called Katsu.

The only person he's been able to rely on like no other. He didn't judge him for how he handled himself. He wasn't constantly treating Kaminari like he was glass and about to break.

"Hey, Kami, what's up?" Katsu asked in a tired voice. He didn't sound like he needed sleep. He sounded like he was tired of life.

"Katsu, are you okay?" Kaminari asked. "You're supposed to call me if it gets too bad."

"I'm fine, just overthinking," Katsu replied. He had something going on in his life that he needed to tell Kaminari, but he didn't know how. "What are you up to?"

"I was calling because I need a distraction. Do you want to catch a movie? Or we could go to the arcade?" Kaminari tossed out a few more suggestions before Katsu interrupted him.

"Kami, I'll be over in a little bit. Let me get dressed, and I'll be on my way." Katsu laughed at the blonds rambling before ending the phone call, leaving Kaminari alone in silence again.

Kaminari tossed his phone on the couch. After all that, Katsu never told him what he wanted to do. He didn't know what to get dressed for. After he walked to his room, he decided on a pair of dark blue jeans. He grabbed a yellow t-shirt and pulled it over his head.

Katsu lived six blocks away, so Kaminari had little time left. He ran to the bathroom and brushed his teeth quickly before reaching for his cuffs. Although he doesn't have any new scars and doesn't care about hiding his wrists from the people close to him, it gets annoying when everyone stares while he's out and about. Sometimes he still wears the cuffs for that reason. Since he still wasn't sure what they were doing, he left them on the bathroom sink. If he needed, he could put them on later.