You Were Worth it

Chapter 14

Shinso signed his name at the bottom of the page. He didn't say "love Hitoshi" or "your love" like usual. He simply signed his first and last name before folding the page and stuffing it into an envelope. He didn't have the courage to text or call Kaminari, but he figured he could write a letter. Kaminari didn't have to reply if he didn't want to, and Shinso wouldn't have the chance to stare at his phone while waiting for a reply that probably wouldn't come.

"Are you ready?" Kaibara asked as he watched Shinso stare at the sealed letter. He offered to drive Shinso over since they had plans later. Shinso still hadn't found any new hobbies since he stopped watching porn daily and making his friend fuck his boyfriend.

Kaibara was determined to change that. He'd been taking Shinso out several times a week to try and find a new hobby for him—something to do with his life. Today, he was taking him bowling. A fun activity that would hopefully distract him from the letter he's dropping at Kaminari's.

"As ready as I'll ever be, I guess." Shinso clutched the letter in his hand before walking toward the door. "Are we eating before or after we go bowling?"

"I figured we could order a pizza while we're there. Bowl one game, eat, and then bowl another game."

Shinso nodded as they made their way to Kaibara's car. "I can't remember the last time I went bowling."

"Well, hopefully, you like it. If not, we can try laser tag this weekend." Kaibara flashed him a smile before they crawled into the car. So far, they have tried several sports, painting, reading, writing, video games, and other activities. Shinso liked video games and reading, but he liked to do them alone. Kaibara hoped he could find something Shinso liked to do with other people.

Another part of him was hoping they never found anything.

The longer they had to search, the more time they could spend together. Kaibara didn't realize how much he missed Shinso being in his life until now. When they weren't talking, he didn't think about him much. Now that he reached out, he's all he can think about. He knew it was selfish, but some of him hoped Kaminari wouldn't respond to his letter.

Kaibara wasn't even sure if he liked Shinso like that or not. However, he knew that if Kaminari came back into the picture, Shinso would stop reaching out.

He would never do anything to jeopardize Shinso's relationship with the person he loves, but he could hope that it just wasn't in their cards.

They didn't say a word to each other on the short drive to the apartment Shinso used to share with Kaminari. When Kaibara parked the car, Shinso let out a shaky breath.

"Are you sure you're ready?" Kaibara asked.

Shinso shook his head. "I don't know if I'll ever be ready, but I have to do this. If I don't, nothing will change." He hoped Kaminari would reach out to him, but it never happened. He took that as a good sign that Kaminari was finally getting the help he needed, but it didn't make it any easier.

A part of Shinso wanted Kaminari to chase him out the door when he walked away. He knew it was selfish, but he was a selfish person. He was working through his issues now, so hopefully, that counted toward something.

"I'll be back." Shinso quickly got out of the car and walked to the front door of the building he used to live in. A walk that usually took him a minute took about four. He was anxious and debated on turning around and leaving. Was it too soon? It had only been a few months.

He shook his head and tried to toss those thoughts away. He felt like reaching out was the right thing to do right now. If Kaminari wasn't ready, that was okay. However, he couldn't put it off. He didn't want the love of his life to think he had given on him. On their relationship.