In Her Eyes ✔~ trixya

A Choice For The Child

Months and months passed and Trixie felt it get increasingly difficult to keep herself from reaching out to Katya. Every Sunday she found herself searching for the woman.

At the park.
At the zoo.

But even on the rare occasion that Katya was there, she wouldn't look back and meet her gaze. A part of Trixie wished to go to her home and talk it all out, but she knew that she couldn't. She could not break, could not let herself crumble. The hurtful things Katya had done were too many to forgive and forget, and no matter how much she missed Katya, she knew she could never trust that the painter would do anything for their child other than use it as a subject for her paintings.

No, no matter how much she wished for things to be different, Katya was who she was, for better or for worse. And after all, what had she done since that day in the park? What had she done when Trixie first left? Had she come to her door day in and day out either time to beg for forgiveness? No, she had hidden away in her precious studio with her beloved paintings, only coming out when her mother had forced her to.

Oh, that godforsaken studio.
God, there were days when Trixie wanted to burn it down.

But annoyingly enough, she loved Katya's art too much. She loved her paintings, loved the way her eyes turned dark and shining as they scanned the combinations of colors, loved the softness they had as she studied a detail, loved the soft smile that came whenever she found the perfect balance of shadows and light. Trixie wished she could hate the paintings, truly hate them as they had been the cause of so much of her pain. But how could she when the woman she loved so much, put so much care into them?

Katya's art was difficult to swallow. Difficult for many due to Katya's somewhat controversial subjects and depictions, difficult for Trixie because it mattered to her so much more than Trixie ever had. But still, she could not hate them. She could not hate them for the very same reason that she disliked them so much; they contained Katya's very heart and soul, her complete love and attention.

Trixie was carrying the woman's child, and yet Katya's heart and soul was in those canvases.
Her focus forever trapped amongst unfinished hats, imperfect postures, and unnatural nature.

"You won't know her, my darling. You cannot know her, I'm afraid, at least not as anything more than a famous painter. But I am sure you would have liked her if you did get to know her." Trixie spoke softly as she held a hand to her rounded stomach. "Katya sees the world in a way which no one else can, but she also misses so much when she studies it... too much. I wish it was not so, but it cannot be helped, so we must manage on our own. Just you and me, my darling angel. We must move on."