Survivor's Remorse

(XI)Little Lucas

I made my way to the living room, hellbent on a drink to distract myself as I wandered the gardens again, when I heard Finnick's low, playful chuckle filtering from that room. I'd been here 3 days and hadn't gotten to see him yet!

I begin to run, speeding through the corridor until I burst into the room, looking around wildly, until I spot him. He was sitting with his back to me in one of the plush armchairs. All I could see was the top of his wavy, bronzed blonde hair and elbow on the armrest. Johanna was behind the bar, making one of her delicious concoctions, while Annie giggled softly at something Finnick had said.

"Finn!" I grin darting over

His head begins to turn, but I'm already sliding around to the front of the chair so I can see just how well the years have treated him in person. If the sun-kissed Annie was thriving so beautifully, he had to be magnificent. Once before him, I felt a fear so strong well up in my chest, it sends me backwards 6 feet, regretting coming over.

"Hey there hell cat" he grins sliding to his feet

Tucked into his chest, right arm cupped beneath their tiny frame, is Lucas. Annie and Finnick's 4-year-old son was napping against Finnick's chest.

He had bright dirty toasted blonde hair like Finnick, but there were strands of red throughout, which were probably more noticeable in the sunlight. I'd seen many pictures of him from the Odair's and Peeta. He went out to visit District 4 a few times a year, to spend some time with the Odair's, and always made sure to regale me with many tales and sketches of his sea adventures. This was the first time I'd ever left District 12 after the games. This was the first time I was seeing him in person. I was terrified.

"Hey Finn. It's good to see you" I swallow
"It's good to see you out of your den for once" he chuckles "Looks like Peeta's been feeding you good"
"Oh he's been feeding her something alright!" Johanna snarks with a snicker as she makes her way over to us. I shoot her noisiness a glare that she childishly sticks her tongue out at.
"I didn't know you two brought...Lucas with you"
"He's been with me most of the time. Wanted to bring him to as many events as I could. Gawk at the way Capitol residents are so...colorful. Most of the rest of the events are for adults only though. He's going to flip when he wakes up. He's been asking for you"
"For me? Why? He's never met me"
"Exactly. Peeta never shuts up about you and we talk to him about you too. To hear and see so much about you but, have never met the coolest person on the planet? He's been foaming at the mouth since we got here" he sighed with mirth
"Finn I don't think that's a good idea" I shake my head
"Why not?" Annie asked softly
"Look...it's one thing to read about me in their history books. Even see me on tv from our past games. But I'm not like you guys anymore. To meet a monster in person? I'm going to scare the shit out of him"
"If Johanna hasn't, I think you're fine" Finnick sighs with a roll of the eyes
"Johanna scratches like one but, she doesn't look like a pissed off cat half the time" I hiss, waving my sharp nails in his face, contracting my pupils to slits for emphasis
"You will not believe what he calls you because of it either" Finnick laughs ignoring all of my fears with gusto
"Yeah well-"

Lucas stirs in his arms and my body is bound tight as a pulled bowstring. I tuck my hands into the pockets of my shorts so fast that I almost scratch the bottoms out. My voice box is disabled as I realize I'm directly in his line of sight and have nowhere to run to.

"Papa?" he yawns, his fat little lips smacking as he wipes the sleep from his eyes
"Hmm?"
"I'm hung-"

His wide eyes land on me and they're just as bright and clear as they were in the pictures Peeta brought home. He had his father's hair but his mother's bright jade green eyes with Finnick's blue green sprinkled throughout. His chubby cheeks sucked in as he took me in from head to toe with open curiosity. I hardened myself for the honesty that only children could give. They meant no harm but are always able to cut deep enough to make you reevaluate your entire life.