Survivor's Remorse

(X) Capitol Chaos

When Peeta did locate Haymitch it was rather quickly, thank God because he didn't want to leave you alone at all on this damned bullet train. To know that it held so many hijacked memories for you, made him antsy and irritable that you even were on it. It was supposed to be a reward for having to have always been on it against your will and now have full control of it, but they all hated the thing. Not a smart gift to give to Victors.

Haymitch picked up the glass bottle and waved him away, having found his pacifier for the next few hours before he passed out. Peeta turned on heel, headed down the hall and strode back into the room. You'd been running your hands over the sheets, fingers trembling before the sound of the door closing made you whip around to face him with wide eyes. Your pupils were pinpricks and you were panting loudly.

Oh no. No. No. No.

Before Peeta could open his mouth to calm you, a lamp came hurtling towards him by your hand. He managed to dodge it out of pure reflex, hearing it crash into a million pieces behind him. You scream with rage and terror, your fingers hooking, as you bared your teeth and nails at him.

"How did you get in here? Where's Peeta?" you hiss at him, circling away towards another
"It's me love. It's Peeta" he answers gently, sliding forward
"No", you snarl sliding your feet onto the bed as you continue to circle him, refusing to turn your back on him "Don't you dare touch me!"

Peeta raises his arms so that you can see his hands, palms flat and facing towards you.

"Sweetness, look at me"

His timbre has fallen to that hypnotic, sweet honey drop baritone that always rattled your senses enough to get you to listen. You stop moving, eyes darting all over his face as your pupils widen a little. Peeta tilts his head up to be able to look squarely into your eyes as he continues to step closer, moving with deliberate slowness, which makes you relax your tense muscles.

"Look into my eyes. It's me"

Your head tilts with confusion, eyes blinking rapidly as you tried to sort through the real and unreal visions swimming in front of you. When Peeta's knee slides onto the bed, your hands cup his cheeks, fingers trembling, eyes locked onto his.

"Sweet Peeta" you whisper sliding to straddle his thigh
"It's me baby" he nods, smiling against your lips

When your eyes begin to fill with tears, bottom lip trembling, Peeta feels that alarm he always did after you had an episode, but had to mash it down and remain calm.

"Hey, hey, shhhh. Don't you do that sweet girl" he hums pecking your lips as his thumbs stroke at your cheeks, his eyes warming you from the outside in with their security.
"I wanted to hurt you Peeta. So bad. I thought you were him", you whimper against his lips
"Talk to me"

Peeta slides so that he's sitting with you in his lap, straddling his wide hips, tiny hands resting on his cheeks, refusing to break contact.

"It's selfish" you whisper after a few minutes
"So am I" Peeta chuckles "This is the first time I've allowed anyone outside of 12 to see you"

This makes you laugh and it takes a weight off of his chest.

"You" you stop and clear your throat "You always come running to me. No matter what. When I call for you, when I need you. If it's within your power, nothing stops you from running to me. It's one of my favorite things about you. It makes me happy. The happiest girl in the world. To be so safe. Loved. Protected"

Peeta knew that you took comfort in the fact that he was there whenever you needed him but had never thought about it to this extent before. You weren't very open about yourself, finding it hard to emote and communicate your feelings, some things those few close to you just understood. You kept a lot guarded. Vulnerability didn't come easy to you. So to know that his need to reach you as quickly as his feet could carry him, brought you such happiness and security, warmed him from his toes to the tips of his ears.