Breathing Ashes

Chapter 5 - In Hiding

Author's Note: PTSD sucks. :) And healing takes a long time.

~ Amina Gila

Vader's entire body feels different now, and it's... jarring. It still hurts in more places than he cares to identify, but it's nothing like it was before. He feels better, a word he didn't think he'd know the meaning of again. Sidious had often promised 'improvements', but Vader has yet to see the day anything 'improved'. That's not true now, though, and he doesn't know what to think of it.

He doesn't really have the mental capacity to think of it right now, anyway, because apparently, that... healing session didn't entire deal with the effects of being electrocuted. His head is pounding violently, and it's only through sheer effort that he keeps moving as though nothing is wrong.

It's hard to think about much of anything in this state. A very dark part of his mind starts wondering if the past few days have been... real. If they've been more than just a dream. He often loses track of what's real and fake, after all. Is Obi-Wan really here, or is he no more than a figment of Vader's imagination?

Obi-Wan as his master is something he occasionally dreamed of in some of his more wild fantasies, when he occasionally admitted just how much longing was mixed in with the constant anger and betrayal he always felt. But he never actually thought through what that would be like.

Now that he's here, he doesn't... want to stay like this. He doesn't want to have to regard Obi-Wan with the same constant fear he did with Sidious.

"Anakin," he hears his master saying, sounding way too far away. Assuming he's actually real, because right now, the only thing Vader is sure of is that his head is splitting in two. "It's going to be a long ride. You should try resting."

"We spoke of this before," Vader objects, even if part of him instantly tenses at what might be considered contradicting his master. He'd never done that outright to Sidious, but his master made sure he knew his place the one time he came even close to that. (It's not something he forgot again.)

"I can't believe you're incapable of sleeping," Obi-Wan argues, "And you will need real rest to heal. Not merely drawing your strength from the Dark Side."

"I cannot," he objects, "I have tried."

From the look on Obi-Wan's face, he clearly doesn't believe him. "Try again." It's an order this time, not one he dares to argue against.

Vader hasn't done it in so long, and it's hardly going to be comfortable, since it's not as if he can lay down.

Or, technically, he could because they're both sitting on the bench in the hold, and... Obi-Wan is right next to him. All Vader does want to do is sleep because his head is hurting so much, and he can hardly think at all right now. Not nearly enough to care that he shouldn't just want to be held, with the false belief that he might actually be safe.

He shifts his position, moving very awkwardly so he's twisted onto his side, his helmet resting in Obi-Wan's lap. It's not exactly comfortable, but he's hardly clinging to the edges of consciousness right now, so it doesn't matter, though his mind screams in protest at the thought of falling asleep in his master's presence. Though he's exhausted enough that he can't quite remember why anymore.

Vaguely, he remembers that he couldn't do it at first when he was young – until he'd grown comfortable in Obi-Wan's presence to the point that he would sleep next to his bed.

But now, he knows he can't sleep in front of him. Can't trust that he won't hurt him or wake him violently for no reason but that he can. Or... something. He can hardly remember clearly the reason anymore; all he knows is that he does want to sleep, and he finds himself slipping into darkness.