there is only us | wilbur soot x reader

Chapter 40 - History

Tommy POV

Two weeks had passed since we returned to L'manberg. I was starting to think there was no such thing as a break, or maybe that I was terrible at catching them.

We had all been camping out at Niki's house, afraid to even step outside for more than a few moments. Niki and Fundy ran errands and gathered news while they were out, reporting back to us each night. The people seemed to be as tense as ever, on edge and waiting for the perfect push.

I was growing restless. I longed to be able to walk the streets freely and without fear. I felt like a caged animal, pacing the same path every day, wearing the carpets thin. I had to get out.

Tubbo could see it in my eyes. One morning, after Niki and Fundy had left, he came up to me with a cautious smile. "I know that look," he said.

"What look?" I asked, playing dumb.

He raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. "That look. The 'I'm going to go insane if I spend one more day here' look."

I groaned, letting my facade drop. It was no use; Tubbo saw right through me every time. "So what? It's true. I feel like I'm losing my mind."

"I know," Tubbo sighed. "Me too, sometimes."

I looked at him with sudden hope. "You do? Really?"

Tubbo forced a laugh. "Yeah, Tom, of course I do. No one likes being stuck in one place."

"Well," I started, staring out of a window so he couldn't read my expression. "We don't have to be stuck here."

"What do you mean?"

"There's nothing keeping us here," I said. "If we really wanted to, we could leave. Right now."

Tubbo laughed genuinely this time. "And go where? Down to the plaza?"

I said nothing. The humor in Tubbo's voice drained almost immediately. "Tom. Tommy. You're not- you're joking, right?"

I said nothing, but one little guilty glance at Tubbo and he knew everything. He turned to face me fully. "We can't. It's too dangerous out there; people would recognize you, and with how on edge everyone is it-"

"I know!" I shouted, taking a couple of steps back. "Trust me, Tubbo, I know. I don't want to put you in danger or anything. I'm just sick and tired of the same boring walls and nothing new! I thought things would be different when we got back. I thought I would be free and I wouldn't have to worry about fighting or planning or hiding because that's all I've been doing my entire life!"

We both seemed a little shocked by my outburst. I closed my eyes and tried to even out my breathing. When I opened them again, Tubbo was looking at me with a sick mixture of fear and pity. I hated it almost as much as I hated myself for causing it. "I'm sorry," I mumbled. "It was just. An idea. Whatever. Forget it."

And then I stumbled away, as far away as I could get. I locked myself in my bedroom, slumping against the door. I had lost my composure then, yelling at Tubbo. He didn't deserve it. He was just trying to protect me.

But I didn't need his protection. I needed his trust. I needed him to believe in me, to know that I was done hiding, to trust that I could protect him. I was tired of this, of shutting myself in for the sake of a country I didn't even want.

I just wanted to be free, to be allowed to be careless and naïve and learn from my mistakes without everyone watching. I just wanted to go home.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

That night came and went in a blur. Niki and Fundy came home with groceries and told us about their day as we helped unload them. Apparently, people had been whispering about Wilbur abandoning them again, and one group of men had even been discussing how he'd become the leader in the first place. I kept my head down and my mouth shut, refusing to look up even when I felt Tubbo's gaze burning into me.