jumil/jujae : drink it.

ten : parental love, and resentment.

fine ass bartender

hi cutie :)
what are you upto?

me
im busy packing lol :")

fine ass bartender
packing? what for?

me

oh since i have a short break, my mom's been pestering me to visit them lol
it's been a while since i did tbh, so i'm going over for a couple of days

fine ass bartender
oh really? is it far away?

me
not really, i'm originally from seoul but my family moved to jeonju as my dad got a job offer there. i'll just travel by subway.

fine ass bartender
that's nice! how many days are you planning on staying?

me
2 days
i won't be able to survive in the same house as my parents for long lmao

fine ass bartender
lol i seee
happy journey :))
liked a message.

-

hyunjae smiled as he kept down his phone, continuing packing his things into his bag. he's just leaving for 2 days so he didn't take much with him. he wasn't looking that forward to living with his parents, even if it were just for 2 days. he knew if he stayed with his parents for more than week, his mental state would return to where it originally was, in the gutter. he was afraid that all the progress he has made in bettering himself would be gone. the words of his psychologist echo in his head as he finishes zipping up the bag.

" your mental state is as fragile as a balloon, too much pressure and it's done for. but you know what's the advantage to it? no matter how hard you drop or throw it, a balloon never explodes. just a hint of wind and it flows back up. you can flow back up, hyunjae. you just need the wind. "

he glances at himself in the mirror, and walks over to it. he stands infront of the mirror, and the reflection of himself he was staring at suddenly changes into that of a young boy. 10 year old hyunjae. staring at himself in the mirror, it was dark and he was holding a pair of pillows next to his ears as his parents blame him for all the problems they have had in their lives.

" you're the reason we're fighting. you're the reason. we're fighting because you're so damn useless, because you don't listen to us. "

hyunjae shakes his head, lifting his head up to look into the mirror once again. it disappeared. the image of 10 year old him holding back his tears, because it was now replaced with a 23 year old, doing the same. " i never listened to you? what right do you have to say that when you never listened to me? i was so desperately asking for help-" he breathes out, gritting his teeth. he washed his face, making some tea to calm himself down. he gulps the tablets prescribed for him along with the beverage, making sure to put it right in his bag when he's done, in a compartment that isn't easily noticeable. he knew getting angry over the past was something he cannot do, it has been 13 years. and yet, no apology. he wasn't dumb enough to hold on to a story without an ending.

he sighs, grabbing his phone. he puts it to his ear and waits. " hello? " hyunjae smiles, hearing his voice. " juyeon! are you busy? " he asks, his voice slightly breaking due to the crying earlier. " no, i'm not. i'm just sitting in my living room and scrolling through some stuff. you said you were going to your parent's house? "

"oh, i am yeah. i have to leave in around 20 minutes, i called to ask how you're doing since i had time to kill " juyeon laughed on the other end. " i'm glad you did, i missed your voice. " hyunjae blushed. " we literally went on a date last week, don't be greedy. "

" hey, you left early cause you had classes! i didn't even get to spend that much time with you." juyeon whined. hyunjae laughed, heartily. it was so easy to love this man. " i'll make it upto you, i promise. " he says, still smiling. " you better. " juyeon replies, hyunjae can imagine him pouting on the other side. after chatting for a while, " i have to leave, i'll miss my train. " hyunjae suddenly remembers. they wish goodbye and hang up.

-

" honey, when is hyunjae arriving? " asks hyunjae's father to his wife. " his train should've arrived by now, he's probably on the way. " she says, wiping the dishes before organizing them back in the cupboard. " do you think he has forgiven us? " she says, in a small voice, almost as if she didn't want to say it. hyunjae's dad sighs, " i guess we have to wait and see. " both of them are staring towards the ground, in silence. thinking the same thing.

the door bell rings, shifting their focus. hyunjae's mother breaks out a smile and runs towards the door engulfing her son into a hug, having missed him since he has been gone for so long. " welcome back, young man. " his dad offers him a high-five, which hyunjae reciprocates. " what took you so long? couldn't visit us once? it's been almost a year. " he says, quite disappointed. hyunjae didn't have an answer, but he gave one anyway. " work. " he responds. "i sometimes forget you're not a kid anymore. " he says, ruffling hyunjae's hair. exactly, and you can't hurt me anymore. he thinks, but manages to smile infront of his parents.

" i cleaned your room, go check it out! have you eaten anything? you've gotten so thin, are you dieting? even if you are, it isn't healthy. i'll pack some food for when you go back. " his mom keeps saying. " mom, i am fine. i'm happy. " he says, reassuring. his mom hugs him once again, happy to see her son healthy. hyunjae absolutely despises her mom for everything he has been through because of her. but how long can he pretend he didn't miss her? he felt like an animal in her house, that's true. but atleast he got love, even if it was for a brief moment. " i'll go change, mom. let's talk after. " he says, entering his room with his bag. as he locks the door from inside, he plops onto his knees, and his eyes filled with tears as he realized he was craving the love of the very people he has decided he would never love again. shit. this is messed up.

hyunjae came out after almost half an hour. " it's been a year and you didn't change. still takes you forever to change clothes, doesn't it? " she teased. " some habits never change, mom. " he reminds, sitting on the dining table she was preparing. " i made your favorite dishes, enjoy! " she exclaims, excited. hyunjae laughs, a part of him was happy to see his mom so excited. his parents sit with him, serving themselves too. " hyunjae, try eating some from my plate, i mixed it in a way you'd like. " his mom feeds him through her chopsticks, hyunjae exclaims. " wow, mom. you're a genius. "

" obviously, i am. " she flips her hair, making both of the males laugh.

maybe my parents weren't bad people, afterall.