jumil/jujae : drink it.

eighteen : afterthoughts.

"wow, younghoon. you have zero shame. how could you just assume that? i mean, no matter how big of an ass i really am, you think i would go that far? poor juyeon, he must be so traumatized right now." hyunjae dramatically shook his head, walking behind everyone. "haha, i am good, don't worry." juyeon said, laughing. younghoon rolled his eyes. "he's an adult, hyunjae, he is fine." chanhee, as always, just laughed and watched the two friends bicker amongst themselves. "how could you accuse them like that? you only heard half the conversation anyways." chanhee questions. younghoon sighed in response.

"okay okay, i am sorry. i just woke up so i couldn't process anything."

"you couldn't process anything but had the presence of mind to attempt to beat me up?"

"oh, hyunjae. please shut up."

-

as time went on, hyunjae and juyeon's relationship blossomed further, so much infact, that at one point, it almost seemed to outshine the cherry blossoms that decorated the streets in the city. but as one thing blossoms, another withers.

-

"hyunjae, are you crying?"

"mom, i love him."

-

once hyunjae came to his senses, he immediately hangs up. it's not like his parents didn't know he was bisexual, they did. but it was almost like they didn't care. hyunjae came out to them in the middle of an argument when he was very young. his parents just assumed he was going insane or was influenced by the LGBTQ+ community on social media. but actually dating a guy? that was far from their imaginations. thankfully for hyunjae, his parents aren't homophobic, and even if they are, their hatred doesn't stretch to the point of disowning or cutting off their son. but does it even matter? because getting disowned is not what he fears, it's getting blackmailed by his parents for keeping them in the dark. his parents, especially his mom, are master manipulators. hyunjae sometimes wonders how he managed to live with them for so long. but then again, he wasn't living anyways, he was just existing.

after he hung up, his mom called him multiple times, all of which were unanswered. hyunjae crouched down in the corner of his room, hand on his mouth, sobbing. he made a huge mistake. over the next few days, he received a good amount of texts from his parents.

mom
hyunjae?
are you okay?
what happened? why were you crying?

-

at first, it looked like she was actually worried about him being sad, and not about the fact that he drunkenly blurted out he was in love with a guy of all people. but as soon as he replied, the narrative shifted.

-

me
yeah mom, i am doing fine, don't worry about it.
i was just drunk, im sorry.

mom
oh it's okay
don't worry me like that from next time, okay?

me
yeah

mom
so
did you see what your dad texted you?

me
yeah
a good ol "are you in love with a boy"
very comforting, mom. gotta give it to him for that one.

mom
cut him some slack, hyunjae.
you know how your dad is
he started losing his mind a long time ago by sitting in that damn studio and you and i know it better than anyone

me
mhm

mom
so?

me
what

mom
are you not gonna tell us?

me
no.

mom
hyunjae
we're sorry
you know im fighting my own stuff right now
my depression
lack of love
my illness

me
no
no, mom.
simply said, i really don't care.
you used your bad life to treat me horribly all throughout mine.
i won't say you didn't try, you did.
but using your tragedies as a way to treat me like shit scarred me for life
and you know the worst part?
you still try to justify yourself for it.
i need some space.
seen 1m ago.

-

"babe!" juyeon ran towards hyunjae, engulpfing him in a warm hug. "why are you always so eager to hug me?" hyunjae asks in between sweet giggles. "your body is just..very warm. it's comforting, like a teddy bear!" juyeon replies, voice upbeat. "a.....what?" hyunjae asks, confused. juyeon was smiling, he was about to tease hyunjae a bit more when his smile suddenly faded. "what's wrong?" hyunjae asks as he notices his boyfriend's sudden shift in attitude. "hyunjae, are you okay?" juyeon asks, as softly as he could. hyunjae slightly flinches at the question. "yeah, im good." he lies, as always.

juyeon notices the slight dryness in hyunjae's eyes, he notices his smiles aren't as wide it usually is when he goofs around, and he notices hyunjae's change in mannerisms as he turns quieter and more reserved throughout their conversations.

"hyunjae, you shouldn't lie to me. you promised me you would tell me everything. didn't you?"

"i know, juyeon. it's just a lot."

"i understand it may be difficult for you to talk about it now. but atleast inform me if something is wrong, if you aren't ready to tell me the entire thing yet. everybody has different ways of accustoming to their situations and i respect tha-"

"i accidentally told my mom about us while i was drunk."

"YOU WHAT."

-

juyeon and hyunjae sit in a park bench, coffees in their hand as hyunjae sighs in between every sip he takes of his beverage. "so, what happened exactly?" juyeon asks. hyunjae sighs for the last time and starts talking. "remember when we had a fight and you asked me to leave?" juyeon nods, apologizing for that again. "it's okay, it's in the past now. well, after i went home, i got super drunk and called my mom. while sobbing, i kinda just said the words 'mom, i love him.' but she obviously caught on." juyeon laughs. "who wouldn't? she's a mom afterall." hyunjae chuckles along with him too. not wanting to verbalise the next, he opens his phone and asks juyeon to read the message from his father and the conversation with his mom.

juyeon takes his time reading the messages, sometimes going back to re-read some of them. once he's done, he hands the phone back to hyunjae and sighs. "what are you going to do now?" juyeon asks "nothing." hyunjae replies, coldly. "there's nothing i can do. they pushed me, juyeon. they pushed their own son so far away from them that i don't even want them to fulfill the role of being parents anymore. i am an adult now, i don't need parents. they didn't do their roles when they were supposed too, why are they blowing smoke up my ass now?" hyunjae says, his tone of voice feeling partially fiery.

juyeon can understand having a bad relationship with your parents. infact, he gets it better than anyone. but your parents treating you like absolute trash and loving you at the same time was something he never witnessed or ever understood. he never got to experience the latter part anyways. atleast, till now. not having grown up with an actual family of his own, juyeon finds hyunjae's dynamic with his folks quite confusing and hard to grasp, despite hyunjae explaining it multiple times. he just assumes there is something wrong between them and hyunjae doesn't like talking with his parents all too much.

younger hyunjae thought the hatred for his parents will vanish once he moves away and becomes financially independent. he thought it was just a phase he was going through because of puberty and that having not the most understanding parents in the world simply made it worse. now, older, moved away and financially independent, hyunjae himself was surprised to realize his mindset towards his parents didn't change that much. infact, it didn't change at all. he just decided to not complain about it anymore.

the only difference between them? older hyunjae had accepted that complaining won't change reality.