jumil/jujae : drink it.

four : guilt and shame.

juyeon enters his apartment, the dust flying in his face making him cover his nose to stop a sneeze. he had to clean this place. starting with the living room, he picked up a broom and started dusting the floor, mopping it after. arranging all his things one by one, he sighs as he notices the boxes that he took out last week were exactly the same as they were kept. oh how he hated arranging those boxes...he grabs the first box and keeps it in the storage room. he stares at the box for a little while, hung up on past memories, and closes it, mentally cursing at himself for being so pathetic. carefully detaching the antique that hugged his wrist hugged everyday, he becomes slightly emotional. atleast i have this to remember you.

abandoned by his biological parents last year, juyeon had no choice but to fend for himself. the owner of this building, offered to let juyeon stay here for free, only if he helped out at his newly established bar. the tired-of-searching and mentally exhausted juyeon, took the offer in a heartbeat. his place was always messy since he always returns home way too tired and stressed to clean it up. his paternal grandmother was the only source of happiness for him, untill she passed away. 

till she was alive, she was fighting with her own son and daughter-in-law to not kick juyeon out. the parents absolutely despised parenting, and would take any chance to degrade juyeon and refer to his birth as 'just an accident.' when his only fighter passed away, his parents kicked him out. the antique watch being the only thing his grandmother left him. juyeon felt pity for himself as he saw other kids his age going to college. he has spent half his life visiting psychologists, only to get rejected since he couldn't afford the therapy. he made a decent amount as a bartender, but luxuries were not something he could afford without grinding some extra hours. 

he feels ashamed, ashamed that he lives in a measly one bedroom apartment, ashamed that he barely finished high school, ashamed of the fact that he works at a bar. he feels guilty, guilty that he couldn't stand up for himself when he should have. guilty, guilty that he likes someone way out of his league. guilty enough to refuse getting walked home by anyone, even the one he loves.

an exhausted juyeon lays in his bed, glad that today is over. and for the first time in his life, he is actually excited for what tomorrow will bring.  

- 

" quick, chanhee! tell me which one looks better. " hyunjae says in a rush as he pulls out two outfits, showing the two options to chanhee, who he was in a video call with. chanhee has always been admired as the fashion icon in his university, so why not take advice from the king himself? " hyunjae, i'll be straightforward with you, you can't go all out. just wear something simple, do you want him to like your body or your personality? " chanhee questions. " oh god, chanhee, i know! okay? but i still can't go out in a hoodie and sweats? it's a date afterall! " hyunjae shouts towards the phone. " do you even know where your going for this date of yours? " chanhee, kinda irritated, asks. ".....no " hyunjae answers after a moment of silence, sighing in defeat. chanhee smiles. " a plain white t shirt and jeans it is! " 

trusting chanhee's advice, hyunjae put on a white loose tshirt, a black blazer to protect himself from the winter breeze of seoul, and some comfortable loose black pants, praying to god that juyeon would find him good looking in this fit. perfume being his last step before he headed out. the bar was just a 10 minute walk from hyunjae's apartment, as he walked, he saw the silhouette of juyeon. first time, without his uniform. hyunjae audibly gasped at how juyeon can rock every style. how he can look so good with just a white shirt and a pair of blue jeans. but that's lee juyeon for you. " hey, looks like we're both on time. " says juyeon walking towards his date and giving him a hug, not missing to notice the dior perfume hyunjae put on. 

" let's go? " juyeon asks, hyunjae nods with a slight smile. " so....what's the plan? " he asks,  " how about we take a walk first? it's the perfect distance for it. " juyeon smiles. hyunjae nods, reluctantly. wondering what exactly is in juyeon's mind. " so, tell me a bit about yourself, we didn't get the chance to last time, remember? " hyunjae asks, juyeon smiles again, this one being fake. " you first. " he passes on. hyunjae raised an eyebrow, but obeyed nonetheless. " well, uh. im lee hyunjae, im a film major and im 23 years o- " hyunjae's words came to a halt when he saw juyeon stop in his tracks to laugh. " are you giving an interview? " he teases, still laughing " hey come on! i haven't even started. " hyunjae pouts. " alright sir, go ahead. " they continued walking, the only source of light in the alleyway being the streetlights. 

" k where was i...?"

" you are 23 years old and? " juyeon reminds him.

" oh, yea! uhm i major in film because i'm forced to but my real passion is music. "

" you're forced too.....? "

" you know, parents. "

" oh okay, sorry. go ahead. "

" i am very messy just putting it out there, i also love dogs but dogs hate me. and i hate sushi that shit is gross. i have 2 friends, the ones that frequent the bar with. kim younghoon is my buddy since middle school, and choi chanhee is a dude i met during orientation. " hyunjae finishes, " and i can't think of many more. "

" well, do you drink well? " juyeon asks, curious.

" not really, I have a pretty low alchohol tolerance so I tend to stay away from it. I only come to the bar to distress from the bulk of my academic work. but alas, it's kinda impossible to go to a bar without having a drink, isn't it? "

juyeon lets out a light chuckle when he sees hyunjae is staring at him, eyes begging him to say something about himself. 

" well, im lee juyeon, 22 years old. i work in that bar as part-time and......that's it. " juyeon says. " wait, that's it? " hyunjae questions. " if i had to tell you my backstory it would be more of a trauma dumping session than a date, and i ain't in the mood for that. " he states, voice stern but face still smiling. hyunjae, not able to come up with a response, awkwardly scratches the nape of his neck. " i'm gonna be shameless and tell you this. i'm not rich, i can't afford to take you on fancy dates, so i'm not going to lead you on. if you don't like this one, we can part ways after. "

" i don't want to, juyeon. i don't want fancy dates or gifts. i'm here because i like you as a person. not because of your money or social status. "

juyeon smiles, pleased with the answer.. " well then, let's get something to eat before we go on our way." hyunjae raised an eyebrow, juyeon pointed over to the small convenience store nearby. hyunjae nodded. " sure ! " as soon as they entered the store, an old man greeted the two boys. " oh juyeon, looks like you have company tonight! " he exclaimed, excited to see hyunjae. " yes, uncle. " juyeon blushed and went inside the isles, leaving the old man and hyunjae alone.

" does he come here often? " he asks, the old man laughs. " he drops by whenever he has time. " the old man then looks over at hyunjae and scoots closer, hyunjae bending down to hear him better since his volume of speaking turned lower. " can i tell you something? " he asks, the boy nods. " juyeon....it's rare to see him with someone. he's always alone. he seems to really like you. he had a difficult childhood, i knew him since he was young since his parent's home was nearby. he's very fragile. i hope you have good intentions, please don't hurt him. " 

as the old man finishes talking, he moves away from hyunjae, back to where he originally stood, hyunjae just nodded his head, not knowing how to reply. but the old man knew, that hyunjae will do the right thing. juyeon walked over to the two, hyunjae gasping. " yo this is my favourite ramyeon! " he exclaimed, juyeon chuckled. " really? mine too. " the old man smiled and packed their food. 2 ramyeons, 2 soju bottles and some snacks. both the boys thanking him as they exited the store. 

" well then, it's only a five minute walk by here. " juyeon says, holding hyunjae's hand into his own, catching the other by suprise.

 " but we are gonna run! "