jumil/jujae : drink it.

fifteen : tears and pain.

juyeon slams open the door, his heart heavy and filled with memories of what took place. hyunjae comes running after him, doe eyes searching for the figure he so desperately wants an answer from. juyeon doesn't look at him, he can't. in this moment, he can't. " juyeon, please tell me, what's wrong? " hyunjae asks. no. this isn't right. hyunjae doesn't deserve me. is all he can think in that moment. but the anger grows in him, the anger, the pain of inferiority swallows him in an never ending wave, like the poison that runs in the fangs of a snake. " tell me, hyunjae. why can't you show me off? " juyeon finally asks, turning his face, which was covered with tears towards the older male, who can't seem to apprehend the situation. " juyeon- what are you saying? " juyeon inhales, wondering if he should say what's on the tip of the tongue, but he does either way.

" is it because I don't go to an expensive college like you do? Is it because I don't have parents? Is it because I work in a bar? Is it because I don't have all the luxury outfits you people have? Is that it? " juyeon exhales, his voice shaking, like his hands that are unable to stop each other from doing so. " you're embarrassed of me, aren't you? " he questions, eyebrows furrowed as tears continued to fall from his face and onto the bedroom floor. hyunjae's lips fall apart, desperately searching for words to fix the situation, but he can't. he slowly walks over to juyeon, and places one arm around his shoulder, and the other, untill the both of them are huddled against each other.

" I love you, Juyeon. breathe. please. " juyeon listens, trying and stabilizing his breath as hyunjae holds him tight, tapping his back from time to time. hyunjae pulls away, eyes staring into one another, his hands roam around his face as he tries to find a reason not to kiss him right there and then, but he fails and he leans in, but juyeon doesn't. he pushes hyunjae, making him take a step back. " don't do this to me right now, hyunjae. " he says. hyunjae scoffs, finding it hard to believe juyeon would ever push him away. " I love you the way you are, juyeon. just because I don't show you off doesn't mean I love you any less. I want you to myself, its selfish, I know. but i am scared someone will take you away from me, im beyond terrified, juyeon. I'm sorry, i was wrong. " hyunjae apologizes, as sincere as he could be.

" I'm sorry. " he apologizes again.

" then kiss me like you mean it. "

-

they kiss. they kiss like they've never kissed before. but juyeon breaks it. heart beating accompanied by heavy breathing. swallowing the guilt both of them felt. both of them said nothing, as the fear of hurting each other with their words taunted their already vulnerable state. " hyunjae, can you please leave? " juyeon asks, as softly as he could. but it still leaves a stinging pain in hyunjae heart. juyeon knows, juyeon knows this is breaking hyunjae. juyeon knows what words hyunjae wants to hear. I didn't mean what I said back then, I want to talk to you. but he can't afford to say these words, not yet. hyunjae stands up, and obeys. just like he obeys every other thing juyeon asks him to do. hyunjae walks towards the door, staring at the house one last time before leaving. but he stops once his phone pings a message.

juyeon <3
I'm sorry, hyunjae
I swear, I'll fix this
give me some time.
I'll talk to you once I'm ready
seen just now.

-

hyunjae closed his eyes and let the tears fall. he raised his hand up to clutch his shirt, not able to handle the pain emerging from his heart. he walked, his legs weak. maybe he should have just left before it escalated so far. maybe he should have just listened and not fight back. he couldn't understand juyeon's reasoning, but he has no right to. who is he anyways? juyeon's not capabe of love, he said it himself. he is nothing. but hyunjae still tried, he gave his best, to love, and to be loved. he got addicted to something he could never win. maybe juyeon will talk to him, just maybe. juyeon's words were imprinted to his brain, his head slowly beginning to hurt because of how hard he was sobbing. his shaky hand holding his head as he continued walking, barely.

juyeon watched from the window, as hyunjae struggled to walk on his own. heart wanting to go hug him, kiss him, apologize, but he can't, he isn't able to. the guilt coarses through him, cutting him slowly. he wants both of them to suffer alone for a bit, like how they did all this time before meeting each other. this is for the better.

his head fell on the bed, but his mind did not feel at ease. he felt broken, broken by love. a feeling he was so unfamiliar with. a feeling he hated. he didn't know who to talk to, who to rely on. whenever he felt down, juyeon was the first person he thought of, and now he is the reason for hyunjae's sadness. hyunjae wanted answers, but ended up leaving with so many questions, he hates this, he hates everything. he slowly walked, despite not wanting to move, he had to. he tripped towrds the couch of his studio, walking towards the chair, violently pushing it away. he unlocked his phone, and dialed a number. while waiting for the person to pick up, he sobbed uncontollably. he needed to be consoled, right now. he knows it too well. he knows he wouldn't be able to handle this on his own.

" hyunjae? are you okay? it's midnight- hyunjae, are you crying? " asked the voice from the phone.

" what should i do? "

" hyunjae? are you drunk? "

" i love him, mom. "

-

happy new year :)