One Year Time Bomb

I Hope It's Not

'The reason for my two eyes to close, I hope it's not because of you.' Lan Wangji sat down on the floor the moment he found out Wei Wuxian left. His things were gone, and it felt so cold that his heart shivered.

[Chose... Me or her?]

The question echoed in his mind as his hand turned to fist. He was angry. Angry beyond relief. He chose another than his own—own heart. He thought that he and Wei Wuxian could still have a chance. As long as he can finish everything he ought to. Oh, how wrong he is.

"Do not find him anymore Wangji..." Lan Qiren said, "let him be happy for himself."

'what about me?' Lan Wangji thought but it was visible to his family.

"Do not regret the choice you made... Let him be happy... Away from you Wangji..." Lan Tian said, "he deserves happiness... And it was never with you... It should have never been with you."

Why does everyone seem to blame him?

"He had suffered enough for you... Let him smile until then Wangji..."

His heart hurts. He felt like dying. It was his fault, his very own fault.

A choice that would lead him to his happiness.

It has been weeks since then, Lan Wangji returned to his aloof and distant self. He turned cold, passive—so detached. His fingers picking every key, every speed of the notes.

[Not to fall in love with you]

He felt his innermost being tearing apart. The sadness, the loneliness, the longing is too much. He could only see Wei Wuxian's crestfallen face. The lone tear that fell as the latter smiled bitterly.

[I have always loved you, Lan Zhan... But it was never been the same for me]

He hope it's because the moonlight is too bright, the reason for his tears, he hoped it's not because of him.

[Now... I know... My greatest mistake... Was meeting you..]

It's not tearing toward someone who never answers his call. It was his. The fault that answered him.

[Now I regretted loving you..]

Lan Wangji's hand stopped the moment his tears flow down to his cheeks.

He tried to stop it, and violently wiped his tears.

[I will never meet you again... I am done...]

It's not love, it's not anything. The hope not even an inch of his heart allows it. His heart ingrained in red also sheds hot tears. It's not anything. Nothing. He felt so empty.

[Waiting for you]

Or so he wanted to believe.

To be with someone because he is needed. To forsake another for the welfare of another. Killing himself in pain for feelings he kept.

[If I told you, I'm dying... Will choose me over her?]

The words the ate his reasons. Eat the very foundation of his choice.

[Right... You will... Because I am your responsibility...]

It's not, even more, love entanglement that is after him. The painful words struck him hard and shamed him.

[If so... I will hate for the rest of my life... I am not a pet... Lan Wangji...]

'you are so pitiful Lan Wangji..' he told himself as he shamelessly listened to the voice he missed. He had stoop so low to settle with only the radio coverage he always listened to.