boys //ziam

chapter eighty-four

you're making a mistake.

it's a thought that remains on the back of liam's mind ever since he thought about divorcing zayn. but what else can he do? zayn has hurt him in ways he can't describe.

it wasn't his fault at first, he lost his memories. liam was hurt but he was understanding, zayn went through a lot of trauma. he lost his best friend. he was in pain. so when he got back his memories, liam understood things wouldn't just go back to normal.

he was patient. he was doting.

zayn was still withdrawn from liam. liam tried, when it seemed things were going to go back to normal, something unexpected and tragic happened yet again. and liam knew then that his husband wouldn't be the same.

then the new baby came, zayn was completely focused on her. liam was glad that something could make zayn seem happy again. even if it wasn't him.

but he still wanted to talk to his husband, like they used to before. he wanted zayn to tell him how he was feeling, anything from him. but he got nothing.

instead, zayn found the comfort of another man.

not just another man.

his ex. the biological father of his first son. the man zayn kept calling for when he lost his memories.

it was like a blow to the chest for liam.

when he found out, it made one of his biggest fears seem to come true. that zayn never loved him. he decided he was going to divorce his husband soon as he did.

he didn't think of counseling, trying to fix things, nothing. he was angry. he was hurt. he was betrayed. he didn't want to fix things, he just needed to get away from zayn.

he doesn't understand how someone who claims to love him can hurt him this much.

the worst part was zayn downplaying what he did. he honestly believed that he would apologize and liam would just let it slide.

but he was done letting things slide. he wants zayn to hurt like he's hurting. even if it means divorcing the man just for zayn to feel what it's like to lose him. like how he's felt for years.

he didn't feel like that was enough either. he wanted to take the kids, so zayn can truly feel alone. but after his talk with theo he realized wanting to take his kids away from their mother just to cause him pain was a very villainous move.

he doesn't want to bring his kids into their mess. it's not their fault the marriage is falling apart.

it's all zayn's fault.

zayn ruined everything.

...

"so, mom and dad are actually getting divorced," lucas says, laying on jordan's bed and looking at the white ceiling. it's been a while since he's just hung out with his older brother like this.

jordan is holding a blunt in his hand, he smokes it and passes it to lucas.

"it's my fault," jordan says, sighing.

"hate to say this jordan, but the world doesn't revolve around you. they've been fighting for a while, you weren't here," lucas says, taking a blunt as well.

"if i hadn't reached out to javier then mom would've had no reason to talk to him," jordan says.

"he still chose to talk to him though," lucas says. "poor dad. i feel bad for him."

"me too," jordan says. "i feel bad for both of them."

"he probably feels like we'd all take moms side," lucas says. he's starting to get high, and empathizing with his father even more. "we should go visit him."