boys //ziam

chapter ninety-one

2 years earlier.

"are you ready?" zayn asks as he and jordan pull up to the abortion clinic. jordan nods. zayn holds his hands.

"did you ever consider aborting me?" jordan asks, surprising zayn.

"yes," zayn admits. "i was young coming out of an abusive relationship. i thought of it a few times."

"why didn't you?" jordan asks.

"i don't know," zayn admits. "i just... i couldn't."

"why? why did you think you could handle a baby?"

"honestly... i didn't. everything was stacked against me. i had no money, no partner or support from family the first few months," zayn says. "i was still in love with javier too but i knew he wasn't going to be in the picture. not after everything."

"then why would you keep me? i don't get it."

"i wish i had a simple answer to that jordan. but i guess i just knew. i knew i had to have you," zayn says.

"can we come back? i don't feel ready," jordan says. "i'm scared."

"we already made the appointment," zayn says. "you shouldn't do it when you don't feel ready. but the longer you wait, the harder it gets."

"i know," jordan says. he looks at his stomach. he's five months pregnant but it doesn't show. no one has noticed either.

he looks at his moms stomach. zayn is eight months pregnant and it's huge. he can't imagine being that big.

but why isn't he going through with the abortion? he keeps postponing and eventually they'd start to notice.

how would the rest of his family react when they find out? they'll be so disappointed. especially his dad.

and his brothers. he's supposed to be the oldest and a good influence for them but here he is, pregnant at seventeen.

when he gets home, he shuts himself up in his room. he can hear his parents arguing. he feels like they're arguing because of him.

of course it's because of him. he's making his mom lie to his dad. his dad knows his mom is hiding something.

he knows the moral thing to do is to allow his mom talk to his dad. but he's too scared of anyone else knowing.

only his mom understands.

his dad would be disappointed in him.

he can't handle that.

he keeps hearing them argue. he decides to step out because of the guilt. he goes to somewhere he knows his parents wouldn't want him to go.

he knocks at the door, feeling anxious the longer he waits. the door opens.

"jordan?" the man on the other side looks surprised to see him. it's been a while since jordan went to see him, ever since finding out about his pregnancy.