-DISCONTINUED-Camilo angst A gift and a Curse-DISCONTINUED-

6~Again~6

Tuesday 12:54

~Trigger warnings time~

Mentions of self-harm, relapse mention of boy x boy, voices, panic attack, and self-harm 

~Enjoy!~

It's been too long it won't happen again

After Luis took over Camilo's Tia told him to get some sleep, only because he'd be doing all of his chores in the afternoon. This was the worst idea in the world Camilo could only and would only be thinking and not sleeping. Camilo was just sitting down on the edge of the stage in his theater room. Camilo hadn't seen Meto since their 'date' and this made Camilo worry. What if it has all a joke to make fun of me what if he hates my guts was this all just a joke to Meto? These thoughts raced through Camilo's mind, his anxiety through the roof and it was all he could think about. What if Meto was hurt and Camilo was just thinking about himself and how he felt and how Meto's absence affected him? Why am I so selfish why can I not think about anyone who isn't me and how I felt because of something? 

"What's wrong with me?!"

Camilo screamed jumping off of the stage trying to distract himself from his thoughts, he couldn't leave his room he was meant to be sleeping. So Camilo was stuck with the horrid thoughts that made him feel worse about everything he hated everything and everyone but he didn't know why. He also hated the fact that he couldn't feel good for anyone or let anyone feel happy. 

"Camilo you need to calm down you wouldn't want to disturb your Famila would you now?"

"No, I wouldn't"  Camilo sighed at this and put his hands in his head until he thought of something

"Who or where are you, and how do you know about my Famila?"

"Woah there, I mean no harm Camilo don't worry, I'm just a friendly remind of how useless you are, you can thank your room for that." The voice said snickering.

"I don't need a voice to tell me that I do that well on my own thank you very much."

Camilo said trying not to let any worriedness that his mind had built up sneck out to his mouth. Camilo wanted nothing more to be done with this conversation with the voice in his head but when he took a step forward the floor fell underneath him. Did he fall into a manhole, that's not possible it's his room last time he checked he didn't have one

"Did I forget to mention that I have power over you and your room?"

"Yes, Yes you did if you could please let me leave that would be amazing," Camilo said rolling his eyes, he knew how sarcastic he sounded but he didn't care. He wanted to be in Meto's arms and feel good about himself. 

"Ok, fine you no fun."

Camilo appeared back into his room on his bed breathing heavily, was that all a dream did I get some sleep for the first time in a while?

"Yes you did get sleep, you started to hallucinate but lucky I was not a dream I am real."

"The only thing you are is annoying."

Camilo got up from his bed feeling very groggy, wanting to go to sleep in his bed again. He did push through this, managing to get up and out of his bed and being able to walk into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. That's when he noticed something that wasn't there before, a razor.

Camilo's breath hitched he hated this feeling he used to self-harm about two years ago, it only lasted for 5 months but it left a big impact on him. His skin felt some way, it felt like it needed to feel the blade of the razor on him like he needed it back in his life. 

"What's wrong is Camilo scared of a razor," The voice asked him, well it was more of a tease.

His hands moved to grab the razor unintentionally, he didn't mean to do it he didn't mean to relapse he didn't mean any of it and he hated himself a lot more than he thought he did. He started to ball his eyes out. He didn't mean any of this to happen and he sobbed and put his back against the door sliding down and hitting the floor. He put his head in his hands and his legs were close to his face.

"I was clean for two years, two years and I gave up like that," Camilo said snapping his fingers through his tears. Ashamed of himself, for his actions, while nobody found out about Camilo, unhealthy way of coping he still felt like he was lying to everyone. Camilo saw how the blood fell from his arm to the floor he panicked. He shifted away the scars away before trying to find some of his old bandages, shifting back and wrapping one of the old bandages he found around his arms. 

Camillo shifted back and hid the razor to the best of his abilities, if his Famila found it he would be dead. They would've sent him away to a psych ward with no questions asked, he would be called crazy, insane even. Camilo could not deal with being called either he would have a mental breakdown instantly.

Soon after the relapse Camilo couldn't shake the thought of being a disappointment to his family, he knew for a fact that if anyone found out they would be disappointed. Talking about how bad they feel for Camilo, or them telling how Camilo's poor decisions affect them let's not even talk about the 'do we need to hide the knives talk.' 

Camilo got up and left the bathroom shutting the door behind him before he fell face-first into his pillow like he did the night before. The night when Meto did want to talk about him, the only thing that bothered Camilo was that Meto had his number so he could just text him if anything was wrong. 

"That's not how kidnapping works idiot, do you think the kidnapper would just give the hostage their phone? 'Sure you can have it just don't call the cops on me.' What, is their relationship built from trust? Didn't think so Shapeshifter." 

"For one when were you so loud, two don't call me that three what's your name I don't want to call you 'the voice' every time I get annoyed."

"It's Carlos if you must know, are you gonna text that 'boyfriend of yours or not?"

"He's not my boyfriend just a boy, who happens to be my friend"

Carlos and Camilo went on and on about Meto until Camilo passed out from exhaustion.

It happened, again