You Are Hot Then You Are Cold

Vol 2 - Week 7 (4)

This chapter will never not be painful 🥺

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Karlyle arrives home at 5:30 P.M. Mayam asks him how he is and he says he is fine. When asked what happened to the guest's arrival, he replies that the meeting was canceled, and there is no need to put out the refreshments that have been prepared.

He comes out of the bathroom a little after 6 o'clock. After that, he reads the schedule sent by the secretary and works until midnight. He reviews items that need approval and reinforces all ongoing projects.

Karlyle lays down in bed and closes his eyes at 1 o'clock in the morning. But he cannot sleep. The things he has consciously tried to suppress in his head come flowing out, spreading over and sticking to his whole body like a malady. He breaks into a cold sweat. His complexion turns pale. And a severe stomachache. It seems twisted and squeezed inside.

Taking a long sigh, he sits up in bed. Since he doesn't experience debilitating symptoms frequently, there is no prepared medicine. But it seems the root of his sickness runs deeper than the pain scorching his blood and bones. It's all because he is inadequate.

When the pain subsides a little, Karlyle leaves the room and walks down the hallway. He pads down the stairs quietly. The silence in the mansion, where he lives alone, has become incomparably huge and heavy.

Stepping into the darkness makes him feel like he is drowning in a swamp. Karlyle goes down the stairs and stands in front of the painting in the living room.

The painting dyed in the moonlight leaking from the terrace is still so beautiful even in this situation. Karlyle reaches out. Rubbing the frame with his fingers, Karlyle recalls what happened today.

Like a person who has committed an unintended act, a deep regret arises. It is an impulsive remark that doesn't fit Karlyle, and at the same time a defense mechanism.

In over 30 years of living, Karlyle Frost has never shared his inner thoughts or been sincere to anyone. It's not just a symptom of his education, but because he knows intimately well how painful it is to be rejected.

Karlyle has had several similar experiences as a child, including an incident where his mother dismissed his efforts to prepare a family dinner as a waste of time (this has been shown in the webtoon, his mom rejected his duck confit).

He is inexperienced in overcoming hurt, and it's left him dull and solemn. That's because it doesn't happen often. Becoming emotional so easily is a sign of weakness, that is the family's discipline over generations. Things like earnestness and affection have their place in the outside world, but not in the Frost family.

Moreover, Karlyle has never gone through the experience of being rejected with such vivid, painful and mournful feelings. If Ash had directly rejected him on that day, he might probably be...

Karlyle stands looking down at the painting for a long time. Though his heart was torn asunder, he's gone numb now. He's bled dry. The flesh was rendered and his bones exposed, and now he's hit a platitude where he can't feel anything at all. Karlyle repetitively reminds himself that,

He'll be fine.

He has lived a long time without Ash Jones. It's just that it was the first time seeing the light outside his gilded cage, he was fascinated by the beautiful sight, but it's okay. A man cannot have everything he wants. Karlyle has always lived a life not being able to own important things and can only get the other small useless things.

So he will endure.

Without certainty or confidence, Karlyle tells himself. The image of Ash's placid face, piercing right through him as he ended their relationship appears in his mind anyways. Karlyle sequesters it. He knows he can never be the same again, but he will move forward.