You Are Hot Then You Are Cold

Vol 4 (Side Story 1): The third day (1)

Last night, Karlyle didn't sleep in the same room as Ash. It was something he had never imagined. And predictably, the results were terrible. Karlyle didn't sleep a wink all night. He couldn't fall asleep.

It felt as if all his dignity and rationale had hit rock bottom, everything went out of his reach. He thought he was more confident than anyone else in keeping his poker face and his composure, but a fight with Ash had left him a mess. A fight that started due to his own foolishness, no less.

A fight with Ash...

Not only that, he even knocked Ash's hand away. He had always desired Ash's touch, but then he pushed him away. It seemed too preposterous to be true, but it's reality: he did push Ash away.

It was awkward being together so up until it came time to see the guests off yesterday, Karlyle didn't stay by Ash's side. Seeing how their attitudes were completely different from the previous day, everyone seemed to have noticed something. Ron the Omega, who said he had given Hazel Ash's number, looked at them nervously before going home. Natalie sent Karlyle an anxious look, then exchanged a few words with Ash. It was obvious that Karlyle had ruined the party's ending, so his self-blame reached its peak at this moment.

The housewarming party, which should have ended pleasantly, was a failure, and he told Ash that he didn't want to talk. The atmosphere in the mansion was the worst. He felt like he was choking on desolate air. Originally, after the party, they were supposed to go to Whipsnade, Bedfordshire, not far from London. Ash had suggested that they go to Whipsnade Zoo, which was famous for releasing animals on a large site.

So naturally, because of the current situation, the plan has been inevitably delayed. They mutually and tacitly agreed to postpone the event, and with a downtrodden, depressed heart, Karlyle thinks the day he goes to the zoo with Ash may never come.

The shock subsides a bit in the evening. Much to his surprise, he still has no appetite. Ash's words linger in his ears, saying he and Hazel were not like that. Now that he has had time to dwell on things more, it occurs to him that maybe the rumors he heard of marriage and bonding were untrue.

Still, the fact that all of Ash's acquaintances mentioned Hazel in the presence of Karlyle was not pleasant. It is natural for chit-chats and stories to come up at a gathering like that, but it doesn't change the fact that Karlyle has heard what they said. What bothered him was how important, how vital Hazel seemed to be to Ash, to the point that everyone naturally saw them as two peas in a pod.

After dating Ash, he has come to realize how difficult and complicated it is to maintain a relationship that is going well. He doesn't want to fight, but he is also unfamiliar with himself getting angry like that. Perhaps it's because this is his first relationship, nothing is going his way.

From one to ten, what to fix now? All he knows is that he doesn't want this situation to go on any longer. And after staying up all night poring over the situation and soothing his nerves, he knows he has to talk to Ash.

As soon as the sun rises, Karlyle sits down at his desk. The immutable, dark ebony looks particularly black today. He should organize what to say to Ash. He takes out a sheet of white paper. The hand holding a fountain pen writes neatly on the paper.

Number 1. First, he wants to apologize for being rude and for having pushed Ash away. After that, he'll ask what kind of relationship he had with Hazel.... But then what should he say after hearing the answer?

As he plots down his points, Karlyle is confronted again with his selfish self. He wants to be the most precious person to Ash. He wants to be his most precious person both in the past and in the present. Karlyle had never desired to take Kyle's place as the head of the family, and had always been completely satisfied with fulfilling his minor role. But with Ash, Karlyle feels so greedy it startled him-he wants to be Ash's first. He desperately wants to be the first and only one in Ash's life, not the second one after someone else.