You Are Hot Then You Are Cold

Vol 3 - Week 8 (2)

Karlyle breathes heavily. His expression breaks down. As if being stabbed, his eyes squint. He chews his lips. Is it an illusion? Unbelievable, Ash is saying that he loves him.

As soon as he realizes it, all sorts of emotions surge. The first emotion to strike him is joy. To some people, the words "I love you" are just a greeting, but to Karlyle, they are precious words that would never exist again.

But soon, sadness comes. The situation right now makes him sad. Karlyle has expressed his intention to proceed with the engagement. He doesn't have the shame to cause trouble for his family because of his love. That is not all. A faint resentment rises in him. Why now?

Without knowing anything, if it had been a month ago, when he was foolishly immersed in the sweet dream of love, Ash's confession would have made him smile. Overflowing and bursting joy, he would have smiled like he did back then.

But now Karlyle has known the pain of loss. He can't change his thoughts. His love has too many variables. Ash is popular, and actually too high for him reach. Breaking up can come at any unexpected moment. It hasn't come, but he can already feel the weight of the pain.

He needs certainty. As he loves Ash, does Ash love him? He knows. He just heard the confession. And Ash's behavior... seems so, too.

In the eyes of Karlyle, who doesn't know much about love, that's how he sees it. Of course he can't know everything. In the first place, Karlyle has had a lot of misconceptions about Ash's goodwill. So he may have misjudged this time, too.

But all things aside, even if Ash is telling the truth, Karlyle doesn't have the feeling that Ash loves him as much as the way he loves Ash.

The behaviors Ash did still lingers in his mind. Why didn't Ash answer his phone? Why did Ash say there was no relationship between them, why did he suddenly come to find him a month later, there are so many questions.

"If you need someone to enjoy for a while..."

It's an unreasonable guess, but maybe because he and Ash are compatible on bed. This might be the reason, not sure anymore. Ash looks like he lusts for him in an unbelievable way.

"I have to tell you, I'm not the right person."

"I don't see Karlyle like that."

Ash says with hurtful eyes. His painful voice makes Karlyle flinch. He shuts his mouth. He almost says sorry, but he stops himself from doing so. Feeling desperate because he has ruined everything, Karlyle'd rather Ash had not fallen for him.

"I think it can be hard to believe. But, Karlyle."

But Ash does not back down.

"I truly love Karlyle."

Karlyle closes his eyes. He is not in a position where he could easily accept the confession, so pitiful. For the first time, he resents the life he has so much. He envies the life where he could casually accept Ash's love.

Karlyle silently meets Ash's eyes. The whispers outside the door have now subsided. Only the sound of Ash and his breathing echo quietly in the room.

"I..."

He raises his hand and covers his eyes, then he rubs his eyelids. With tired eyes, Karlyle says to Ash. There is nowhere to run. His body is weak and tired. He is exhausted mentally and physically.

Instead of staying silent and running away, Karlyle eventually decides to tell Ash some truth. It is a decision based on necessity. Really, that is all.

"I'm not in a position where I can easily be with someone."

Sadly it is.

"Today, this is the place where I have decided to choose my fiancee. If I..."