You Are Hot Then You Are Cold

Vol 1: Week 2 (4)

Ash stands up, adjusting his slightly disheveled shirt, though not as much as Karlyle's. This situation brings him anxiety. The atmosphere goes downhill without brakes. His legs seem to be sinking deep into the floor.

"... Mr. Jones."

"I have no interest in forcing myself onto anybody."

His voice is strangely low and cold. Karlyle stares at Ash. In the blink of an eye, Ash seems so distant. The heat that has been building up ends in an abrupt note, and he's standing in front of Ash with a messy look. Is it because of the emptiness that this scene brings?

This feeling, really...

It's, really, too harsh to stop their meeting like this.

"It made me look like I were committing sexual assault, Karlyle. Roleplay would be a different story, but I don't want to force myself onto someone who pushes me away for real."

Ash doesn't hold back. Karlyle can't say anything back. He doesn't know what he should say. No, actually he already knows the answer. If this has no meaning, then stop. Just stop this stupid thing that doesn't fit him, and let Ash go.

Then they'll never see each other again.

"I'll let Nick know."

Nick's name popping out of Ash's mouth shakes Karlyle back to reality. He recalls his small purpose of accepting this meeting. To keep an eye on this man by himself.

He can't let any impure elements ruin his younger brother's happy life. That reason appears in his mind, even though he himself isn't sure of it.

"Should I tell him that it might be better to introduce you to someone else?"

Looking at Karlyle, Ash's walked halfway towards the bedroom door, like he'd leave any minute. His words to end their affair drop down like a death sentence.

His inside is now dark as pitch black. It's an incredibly complex feeling that cannot be explained in a single word or sentence. It's over.

He knows. They've only met four times. Or five? It doesn't matter. Things that happened in the distant past, and the events of the past two weeks, which have left him confused for some reason, will be completely cleared out.

'I understand.'

Just one answer like that, and Karlyle can go back to the way he used to be.

His chest feels so empty, as if all the organs inside have vanished from his body. "The way he used to be". Is that a good thing? He doesn't know. He furrows, then slowly, he opens his mouth.

"......"

But the words just don't come out of his mouth. Ash looks at him like that, then he turns around as if to leave immediately. Karlyle can see his back. There are still some wrinkles on his shirt from his grip earlier. As soon as he sees it, his words finally come out.

"I..."

His throat is choked up. His chest aches.

"I'm just not, used to this kind of thing, yet... that's why."

Ash doesn't turn around right away. Only a few seconds go by but it feels like a century has passed. Although Ash once said that he no longer had any issues with him, Karlyle knows Ash has his limit of acceptance.

Ash only met him because Nick asked him to. If Ash didn't remember who he was, and had to meet someone who behaved like him, then... it's not fun at all.

Ash said it was the most interesting he had done lately (at the cinema). But Karlyle isn't a pleasant person to begin with. He isn't as playful and expressive as Nicholas White.