Shattered

Chapter 9- Do I have to?

Hazel's POV
We all had gotten out of the pool around the same time. We all sat on our towels just bullshitting. I couldn't stop looking at Chris... He is just so fucking sexy! God damn it! What am I thinking? I'm dating Ghost. I'm happy with him. I caught sight of Chris looking at me a few times.. Is this really happening?
"Hey Hazel?" Ricky said.
"Yes?"
"Can I talk to you in private?"
"Oh no Ghost, Ricky wants your girl alone!" Angelo teased.
"Shut up." Ricky flipped him off and walked inside.

"Talk to me."
"What?"
"Talk to me Hazel."
"About what?"
"About your body."
"I..I fell.."
"Stop lying to me."
"Okay fine. Michael abused me, as well as my dad..."
"And that explains the bruises. Now explain the cuts."
"I cut myself..."
"Why?"
"Because it makes me feel better..."
"Have you ever thought about what it does to those who love you?"
"No one fucking loves me. Are you fucking kidding me?"
"Really? You're saying that Ghost doesn't love you? You're saying I don't love you? You're saying that MIW does not love you?"
"Okay fine you guys... But that's it... My parents wish I was fucking dead."
"Well you're not with them, you're with us now. And every single one of us want you to stop harming yourself. Talk to us if you have to. You have support."
"I've never had this before.."
"Now you have it, take advantage of it. If you don't want to tell Ghost, come to me, or Angelo."
"Okay.." I went to get up but Ricky stopped me.
"Oh no, I'm not done with you."
"Oh god."
"I was thinking, maybe you should go see a counselor.."
"Excuse me?"
"Just to get help with the talking and over coming the urge to harm yourself."
"If you say so, I won't make a fight out of it... I'll go."
"Thank you." He gave me a hug and we made our way back outside.
I sat beside Ghost and told him what we had discussed.
"So you're going to a counselor?" He said whispering so the others wouldn't hear.
"I guess so... But do I really have to? I can do just fine on my own."
"Obviously not."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means you obviously cannot cope yourself because you just self harmed."
"Oh my god fine I'll fucking go." I got up grabbed my towel and went inside.
I walked up the stairs to our bedroom. I changed into my bra and underwear and a pair of sweat pants. I sat on the bed and just looked around. This is my home now. I can call this home.. I'm not afraid to walk in here, I can say 'I love you' to someone I do love. I feel safe here, I feel happy.
"Are you alright?" Chris asked standing in the doorway.
"For the most part I guess." I shrugged my shoulders.
"You can talk to me, you know."
"I know, I just, I don't like talking.."
"Why not?"
"Why should somebody have to worry about my problems?"
"Because they love you and don't want you hurt."
"I've never had somebody love me like Ghost loves me..." I started to tear up.
"It's alright.." Chris came over to me and hugged me.
"It's not alright... My parents probably think I'm dead, they don't care about me."
"We care about you. Ghost more than any of us."
"Trust me I know, and I like that. You all are down to earth. Especially for being in a band like MIW." I cracked a smile assuring him it was a good thing.
"Well if you need anything, just let one of us know alright?"
"I will." We hugged one last time before he left the room. I was sitting in the silence for a while...Just thinking about everything that has happened in the past week. I'm still so worried Michael might find me and do something terrible. I looked at myself in the mirror and frowned. My body was an ugly mess.. Bruises that were various shades of black, purple, and blue... Cuts that were some what healing up, and scars from past events. How could somebody love this? This so called "body?" How could somebody love me at all? I turned around to see my back had scratches from the night me and Ghost had sex.. Great.
"You have such a beautiful body." Ghost said as he came up behind me to wrap his arms around my waist.
"No I do not. You think bruises, cuts, and scars is beautiful?"
"I don't look at those, I look past that."
"Well lucky you, because all I see now is an ugly mess."
"You're gorgeous Hazel."
"No I am not."
"Why don't you believe me? What makes you think you're not beautiful?"
"My whole fucking body! Do you really not see what is all over my body!?"
"Calm down."
"Calm down!? Calm down!? Are you kidding me!? I'm covered in bruises from my own fucking father beating me! And my boyfriend beating me! You want me to be calm about that!?"
He didn't say another word, he just hugged me tightly.. I started to cry on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry..." I said wiping the tears off of my face.
"It's alright, you need to let it out." He pulled me in again allowing me to cry more.
"If it wasn't for you saving me, I'd more likely be dead.."
"Well you're here with me." He smiled and kissed me. He picked me up so my legs wrapped around him and he took me to the bed. He set me down and got on top, never breaking the kiss. He started to slowly undress me and I undressed him as well. We began to explore each others bodies again.. Not having a care in the world. I knew that Ghost was the guy for me. He loves me, and I love him. He made me feel wanted, like I was worth something. He has a huge impact on me, he doesn't even know it...