Illicit Affair ||Pedro Pascal||

But I Can't.

Two days passed without me going by Pedro's house. Sophie's words played over and over again in my mind.

Either say that we're together or end it.

As much as I wanted to be able to say we were together, I knew it was a joint decision. I needed to hear it from him, that way I know it's real.

I went over two his house two days later, I hoped that was enough time for the rumors to die down a little bit. In order to disguise myself, I wore all black with a hood over my head, I brought sunglasses just in case, even though it was nighttime. Driving my own car there would surely raise suspicion, so I walked to a bar a couple blocks down the street from my apartment and called a taxi. Normally I would've gotten an Uber, but I figured a taxi was more subtle. I told the driver to drop me off a few houses down from Pedro's, he stopped the car and I hopped out to begin my walk to his place. There were a lot of cars parked all around the neighborhood, I could feel my palms sweat. It was more discreet to go through the back door since there were paparazzi loitering around the front. I couldn't imagine how this must be feeling for him, the invasion of privacy and not being able to feel comfortable in his own home.

As I approached the front gate, my fingers hovering over the keypad so that I could enter the code to open it, four men with cameras and blinding lights swarmed me with a million questions.

Why are you at Pedro Pascals house?

Are you and Pedro dating?

Do you live in this house too?

The sunglasses didn't help at all, the lights attached to their cameras were too bright. I frantically punched the numbers and ran into the gate as soon as it opened. There were two big black cars parked right by the gate inside and two men wearing their black security uniforms standing by the large vehicles. They were making sure that no paparazzi or reporters tried to run onto the property. They recognized me, however, and let me through.

I entered the foyer, it was dark. The only inkling of light was coming from a lamp in the living room. Pedro was peeking through the blinds of his window. He looked over at me, the dim light illuminating half of his face. "I'm...there's a lot of people out there." I said awkwardly pointing out the obvious. He couldn't help but smile a little. Pedro's expression quickly fell, as he remembered the herd of paparazzi outside. I felt awful, like this was all my fault. I should've been more careful when leaving his place while he was in Germany. I figured his neighborhood was usually pretty quiet and that no one would be watching. "I'm sorry." Was all I could manager to say. Anything else, I felt, was too much.

He walked over to me across the living room, cupping my face and kissing my forehead. "Don't be."

How could I not be sorry? It's because of me that they won't leave him alone now. "But I-"

"No." He said, cutting me off. He knew that I would apologize again.

I sighed and looked around the room. I wondered where Oj was—probably sleeping despite all the commotion going on outside. I looked back at Pedro, who's eyes were comforting and calm. It was ironic how he's the one with reporters camped out in front of his house, but there he was, trying to comfort me. "What's going to happen now?" I asked.

Pedro shrugged. "They'll go away eventually. Find another person to bother."

"What are we going to do until then?"

He stayed silent for a minute, deep in thought. "Let's go somewhere."

I blinked. "What?" I said, shocked. "Where?"

"Anywhere, we need to go and get away from all of this. Let it die down for a few days." It didn't sound like a bad idea. He and I had never gone on vacation together, but in the back of my mind I knew this wasn't a vacation. We would be running, hiding.

I still had to tell him about what my manager said. I needed to ask him about us before going away with him, I just didn't know how.

That night we were laying in bed together, he kept suggesting places we could go. London, Iceland, Bora Bora, somewhere far away from New York where everyone could see us. I told him I'd always wanted to visit Italy, that was one of the places I haven't been yet. Right away he booked us a flight for the day after the next. That barely gave me enough time to grab my passport from home and pack everything I would need. Luckily since I'm used to traveling, I knew exactly what I needed to bring. I figured if I forgot something, I could just buy it over in Italy.

I sat on my couch, looking out towards the city. My luggage by the door, ready for me to grab and go once Pedro got here. I had to ask him, or at least make him tell me how he felt. He called me and let me know that he was outside. Pedro was never one to text.

I wrapped my hand around the handle of my suitcase and rolled it alongside myself as I made the walk to the elevator and down to Pedro, who was standing outside of the car. I stopped in front of him, he reached over to take my stuff so that he could put them in the trunk. "Wait." I said, stopping him from touching my luggage. He looked at me, confused, waiting for me to continue. I took a deep breath as I shut my eyes as an attempt to brace myself for whatever would come next. "Where is this going?" I asked. Pedro's eyes shifted around. He was looking at anything else besides me. "I mean...us. What do you expect to get from it?"

"Maggie..." he said. "We're going to miss our flight if we don't leave now."

He tried to take my bags again, I placed my hand on his, which was rested on the handle of my duffle that sat perfectly on my luggage. "I know you don't want to put a label on this or anything. But these rumors going around, everyone's eyes are on us and we need to say something so just...I need some security." I said scrambling. I could feel my hands begin to shake, I was surprised that my voice didn't shake too.

I prayed that he would say something. That I was the one, that I was his and this was real.

But he didn't say a word.

I looked down at my shoes with embarrassment, the tears were threatening to fall from my eyes. "Magnolia, come on." He finally said, urging me to get into the car.

I shook my head. "I can't." My voice cracked. Pedro stepped towards me, taking my hands in his, trying to look at my face. "I love you, but I can't."

His expression went blank. I told him I loved him, and he couldn't say anything. I took my bags and took a step towards where my car was parked. "Where are you going?" He asked, following me.

"Home."

"You are home."

"No I'm going home-home, to Maryland." I could no longer hear his footsteps behind mine by the time I got to my car and loaded my things in. He had stopped following me. I sat in my car for a few minutes looking for flights to my hometown, there weren't any soon enough, I wanted to be there as soon as possible, I wanted to see my mom. It was only a three and a half hour drive. I left my apartment in New York, and began making the journey home, my heart shattered. I had never felt so humiliated.

All the fake rumors, the gossip, all the embarrassing things that everyone blows out of proportion when you're in the limelight, none of it compared to this.