The hopeless Love

Heart Pain

I don't know how long I've been out here working, but suddenly I feel someone standing behind me. I don't turn around and suddenly I wince. I am pressed against a muscular torso and thus prevented from working. 

***

"I hate waiting, brat!" the Chapter Leader growls in my ear and I wince again. I pull away from him and stumble backwards. I'm not pinned, I just keep stumbling and end up in one fell swoop, in the water. Soaking wet I sit in the wash basin and look down in concern. I look down at myself and see how the water is soaking through my clothes and how the water has even reached the leader of the order! His stomach muscles are now wet and the water is dripping on them I look further up and find a fierce-looking Chapter Leader staring at me, slightly annoyed. All he says is, "Tch." and as if struck by lightning I stand before him again.Or I'll dangle in front of him.He grabbed my collar with his right hand and held me up. The ground is far away and I'm dripping on the ground. The dry earth is probably happier than I am right now. I'm just carried along, further inside the headquarters. With every firm step the leader of the order takes, the thought comes to my mind.. ,,Was this choice right? Was my choice to go to the Black Bull the right one?"Basically, at the very beginning, I considered going to any order except the Silver Eagle. But now? Is the Black Bull also such a wrong choice as the Eagle? Should I have gone to the Scarlet Red Lion?"I feel the stony floor of the building beneath me. The head of the order, Yami Sukehiro, just threw me on the floor, soaking wet as I am. He's not here anymore, he's gone. Through a door and left me here alone. I look around and stand up. I'm in a room. A stranger's room. A stranger's bed, with two large windows. A strange wooden wardrobe and decoration. Everything here, in this room, is alien. Suddenly there is a squeak and the door opens again.The Order Leader.He reenters and tosses me a new robe of the Order. I just catch them and look Sukehiro in the eye. "Don't look so grim. You fell in the water, you're getting everything wet here, so change your clothes and don't get sick, understand?! I hate it when someone gets sick!", the leader of the order says boredly, and he presses a bit of clothing from me! Into my hands."I-I..." God why do I stutter?"Speak properly, or don't, brat. No, it doesn't matter. Go and make me something to eat. Now!", with that he rushes outside and leaves me alone. Tomorrow something embarrassing won't happen to me. I won't be seen as this "brat" anymore.. I'll take care of that.I quickly change and make my way into the living room. There the leader of the order is sitting on the sofa, with a newspaper in his hand. Finral sits next to him, looking a little insecure and intimidated. He gets up when he sees me and silently shows me the kitchen. Show me where the dining room is and where everything is in the cupboards. Then he goes away and leaves me alone. I work fast and a little messy, but it's all manageable. I do something with meat and something with vegetables. Including duffels. I knew them from before, from a small village far on the outskirts of the Kingdom of Clover. The village of Hage.I used to be there when I came to the silver eagle in my past. When I was under Nozel Silver and his vice leader was... I was subordinate to him and despite my family, I was not in the order with Fuegoleon, Leopold or Mereoleona. i am a vermillion And that from birth... but, I'm not one of them. I've never really been a part of them, they don't even know me. That you already noticed during the entrance exam. He wanted to accept me into his order because of my imperfect magic, but I turned away and went to the Black Bull. To the worst of all knightly orders. I didn't care if this one was bad. This is simply the only knightly order that has almost no noble knights. And when there are, these nobles are more like commoners. Like the underclass. More normal than snooty. There are many noble people who cannot control their magical power, and for many other snooty nobles, they are nothing but scum in their eyes. Because that's how it is here. If you have power that you control, you are something in life and are highly regarded. If not, you will be treated like any farmer in the world, regardless of noble status or origin. like dirt.In the past, and still now, I can't control all of my magic. Despite grimore or the amount of mana, I can't use every aspect of my power. I use the light and the dark magic, but it's hard in the long run. In the silver eagle I was greeted by Nozel and his younger Gessibling, Solid and Nebra, mostly pressed to release all my power. I did it once and this resulted in me damaging the Order of Chivalry headquarters halfway. Of course, this incident was covered up by the Chapter Leader, Nozel Silver, and the Mage King, Julius Novachrono, but I was punished nonetheless. It wasn't my fault though. I didn't want to release this power and I was pressed.. The king saw it, he knew it and he didn't let me down... when I was the focus of everyone to be judged. Nozel took the opportunity and then sent me on a mission to hide myself from the eyes of the other Chapter Knights.While on this mission, I learned of the true goals of the silver eagle with me. I was nothing more than some slave of the order. I was sent on missions, I collected glory and honor for the eagle, I got a lot of stars for my actions and medium. golden stars. Who were of value to the order of chivalry to become the best of the best orders. It was me who did everything. I put in the effort and Nebra, Solid and the dumbass of the other members backed me out... Eventually something started doing that neither Solid, Nebra nor the rest liked. I did something that wasn't very heroic according to Nozel. I did something stupid and naive, according to Nozel. I did what Nozel said an enemy of Clover would have done...I attacked him.But I don't regret what I did. He deserved it. This deed spread some time later in the Kingdom of Rum and rumors circulated of a renegade Magic Knight. But the rumors did not say which order this was from. This would only have put Nozel and his beloved order in the wrong light. I would have liked it, but I didn't.My past is quite long for my young age. I am a renegade knight. I freely admit that, but only when it comes to noble people who see and treat others as dirt. I'm happy to take punishment as long as I get what I want.. what I want to achieve is all good.But I.. I will never tell anyone what happened in my past. I swear to myself. It's enough that William knows. Stupidly, he was also there when I attacked Nozel. But he didn't stop me, he let me attack him until Nozel's quicksilver stopped me. I wasn't strong enough. I'm not strong enough yet, but I'm getting stronger for those who aren't or can't be. I will never give up, even if I die in the process. Because not giving up is my magic. Perhaps..

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