Two hours later, Alex is asleep and Lev is still in the living room, laptop open, brain fried. He's decided-again-that people are a mistake and life is a group project he never signed up for. His head's pounding, his fingers feel useless from typing, and his body's torn between sleep shutting down completely and/or combustion.
He's staring at nothing when he hears it, a muffled sound coming from Alex's room. Lev's on his feet immediately. When he steps into her room, he sees her tangled in the sheets, tossing, panting and whimpering in her sheets like she's being hunted in her own head.
Her body's twitching, back arching, hands gripping at nothing and everything. She's mumbling, broken barely audible phrases: "I'm scared... I'm sorry... I'm scared..." over and over, like a record stuck on fear. She's panicking in a nightmare.
"Alex." He says her name, His voice coming out quieter and softer than he expects from himself. She doesn't wake, just trembles harder. Her breathing's all over the place, it's fast, shallow, and erratic. Like her lungs forgot how to work.
Then she suddenly sits up, her eyes wide but unfocused while breathing fast and uneven. Her hands grip the sheets as if she needs it to ground her, her throat is making this sound like something between a gasp and a choke. She curls into herself, arms around her stomach, head down as if trying to disappear.
"Alex," Lev says her name again calmly, this time moving closer. She doesn't respond, he's not even sure if she can hear him. She's somewhere else. Her chest is doing its own thing, her hands are trembling, in fact, her whole body is shaking like she's freezing, but the room isn't cold.
He recognises it as a panic attack, he's seen similar behaviour in his soldiers, professionals who have seen unspeakable things.
"Breathe with me," he say keeping his voice low and steady, guiding without asking anything from her. "In through your nose, out through your mouth." She doesn't even look at him, so he does the first thing that makes sense.
He takes her hand and presses it flat on his chest. At first, she flinches, hard. For a second he thinks she's going to pull away. Then her fingers curl into his shirt instead though she still doesn't look at him.
He has no fucking idea what he's doing, but it seems to be working.
She feels the steady beat under her palm. He slows his breathing on purpose, exaggerates it just enough for her body to catch. Inhale. One, two, three. Exhale. One, two, three. He keeps talking and reassuring her, not lying to make her feel better. Her shaking starts to ease a little.
"You're doing great," Lev mutters. "Just keep going." She blinks twice like she's coming back, her fingers loosen and her breathing starts to follow his.
Tears slide down her face but she's not making a sound, Lev pulls her in and she collapses into him immediately like she'd been holding herself together by force alone. He holds her in his arms her head on his chest gripping his shirt while one of his hands goes in her hair.
Eventually, her breathing evens out. Still shaky and fragile but better than earlier. He doesn't say "It's okay" as he holds her because it's not.
⚬⚬⚬
Ten minutes pass. Maybe more. Alex is still gripping Lev's shirt like it's the only thing keeping her anchored. She hasn't looked at his face once. Half embarrassment, half fear that if she lets go, she'll float away.
Lev doesn't care. Not even a little. She could've cried, bled, or completely lost it on him and it wouldn't change anything. He knows what a brain can do when it turns on itself. He doesn't see breaking down as a weakness, he sees it as normal. So he stays right there.
"I'm sorry, I ruined your shirt," She mutters an apology, fingers fumbling at his shirt, trying to wipe away tears and snot like she's committed some crime.
