The Sinner's Saint

TROUBLE

The second Alex walks in and sees Hala, Ed, Nina, Linda and Richard spread across the living room like some accidental family meeting it throws her off just enough to make her pause in the doorway. She didn't expect them all to be there.

Nina looks up first and breaks into a smile, and suddenly it's fine it's warm, it's normal, and Alex lets herself believe that for a second because she's tired and it's been a long day and she just wants it to be fine.

"Finally," Nina says, getting up to hug her like Alex hasn't been dodging her calls for weeks. Linda follows right after, softer, and Richard gives her the nod he does when he can't be bothered to get up. Ed tosses her a lazy you look expensive which earns him a look. Even Hala hugs her, not tight, not long, but it's a hug from Hala, and Alex lets herself sink into it for the second it lasts

She drops her bag by the door, kicks her shoes off halfway, and gets pulled onto the couch like she belongs there, which she does. They ask about her day without making it weird and she gives them enough. The Catalanis, the meeting, how strange and kind of stressful it was. Whatever.

Ed makes a joke about rich people divorces like it's a Netflix genre and Nina laughs. Linda asks if the kids are okay. Richard asks if she's been alright.

It feels normal. Easy. Like maybe tonight is just going to be this. She should have known better. Things don't shift all at once, that would be easier to see coming, easier to brace against. It happens in small movements instead, one degree at a time, and by the time she feels it, it's already too late. Hala starts it. Of course she does.

"What was your heart rate like during the meeting?" she asks, casual, like she's asking about the weather. Alex blinks once and shrugs.

"Fine." Hala hums, tilting her head slightly.

"You say fine a lot when you mean elevated but controlled." There it is. Alex looks around the room and back again and forces a small smile, the kind that's meant to close a conversation.

"Or I mean fine." No one laughs. Ed glances at her a second too long like he's checking something. Nina's smile softens in a way that has nothing to do with warmth and everything to do with concern. Linda shifts closer, hand brushing Alex's arm, gentle and pre-emptive.

"I'm just saying," Hala continues, leaning forward, elbows on her knees, fully locked in now, "given your history with high conflict environments it would make sense if today triggered-"

"It didn't trigger anything." Still calm, still holding it together fine.

"Okay," Hala says. But she doesn't drop it. She never drops it. "Then what did you feel when Emine addressed Lev like that?" Alex's face does something she can't quite control, confusion with an edge of are you serious right now, and her jaw clenches before she can stop it.

"Annoyed. Like a normal person." Richard speaks up but he's too careful.

"You don't have to minimise it." There it is again. that joint energy in the room like she's something that might go off if they're not careful enough around her.

"I'm not minimising anything," Alex says, a little sharper now, and hates that it came out sharper because that's exactly the kind of thing they'll bring up and dissect later. Nina reaches for her hand.

"We just want you to feel safe talking about it." Alex immediately takes her hand back and shrugs Linda off moving away.

"I am safe,".

"You don't have to be strong all the time sweetie." Linda's voice goes soft in the way that makes everything worse, the way that implies Alex is performing something she's actually just feeling, that her fine is never actually fine.