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I wasn't planning on going on this mission but then everything happened and it became the obvious solution; get to Ghost, hurt him in a way he doesn't recover from, and stay out of Alexandria's way so she doesn't get more angry at me.
I remember being drunk and calling her. I don't remember what I said and I don't even remember how I ended up in this bed either. When I woke up, everything was fuzzy, then blurry. I assumed it was the venom still working through me. It wasn't. I just didn't have my glasses on.
One thing I remember very well is my dream, probably cause it involved Alexandria. I'm not going to spend time going through details, It wasn't even anything I can justify dismissing, it just felt real in a way that is inappropriate for our current situation.
I groan, scrubbing my hands down my face as I sit up. The vision of her and the softness of her voice in that dream is attached to me and it makes my chest tighten every time I think about it. I can't tell if it's shame, longing, or some stupid mess of both.
I drag myself out of bed and to the bathroom, idk what time it is and I honestly don't wanna know. I lean over the sink, look at myself in the mirror, my eye bags look so fucking deep, I could store water in them.
I splash cold water on my face, trying to drown the thoughts and maybe myself while I'm at it. I let out a breath I didn't even realise I was holding, as I dry my face off. I don't know why I hold my breath when im washing my face, im not waterboarding.
Standing in my bathroom I notice it's been a minute since I've wanted or received pleasure from anyone. I didn't notice it happening, it just did. Ever since I met Alexandria, no one else has even come close to making me feel the way she does.
She's in my head, making me crave impossible things. She makes me second-guess every decision I make in a good way, she's quietly shifting my world without even trying or knowing.
Someone kill me. Please.
HOURS LATER Idk how long I've been asleep since I showered but it's still dark outside. I don't know if I slept two hours or two days, honestly after what happened in the bathroom earlier I'm sure both feel equally possible.
I put on the first sweatpants I see and a hoodie, since it's fucking unreasonably freezing in Russia and head downstairs because I need to eat. The kitchen goes quiet when I walk in. I go to the fridge, take out three yogurts and a box of fruits, and feel their eyes on me the whole time. They may as well call me fat.
"What?" I ask my back still to them as I assemble my food.
"Nothing."
"Then stop." I turn around, lean against the counter and eat. One of them, not from my team, actually none of these people is on my team, says they were wondering if I wanted to join them since I'm always by myself. I look at her until she stops talking. God forbid a guy wants to mind their business by themself.
