The Sinner's Saint

SUPPORT 3

She talks about her sister, not the facts of it or the timeline, but the actual texture of missing her, the way certain days it's just a truth she carries and other days it's the weight of everything pressing down at once and she can't always predict which kind of day it's going to be until she's already in it.

She talks about Hala and what it felt like to watch someone she trusted turn her into a project, into something to be understood rather than someone to be with. She talks about the way her sister's name got said in a room full of strangers like it was just a weapon against her and how she went to the cemetery because there was nowhere else for her to go.

She puts it all on the table making herself vulnerable to him and he lets her and embraces everything. The whole time, he doesn't move closer, doesn't put an arm around her, doesn't try to respond to any of it, doesn't offer solutions or reframes or silver linings. He just stays completely present, which is exactly what she needed and didn't know how to ask for, and by the time she runs out of words It feels like a submarine that used to be on her chest has been lifted and made more room than she knew it had.

When she looks over he's just looking at her with the proudest look she's ever seen from him. He reaches over and pulls her in slowly, chin resting on top of her head, and she stays still even though she's completely melted into it.

This is the hardest part of wanting someone, you want them so much you make yourself the safest possible version of yourself just so they'll keep talking to you.

WEEK FOUR
Lev goes home Tuesday and Friday this week. She notices the house more when he's not in it,

The proofreading is a full ritual now. She reads, he fixes and she argues even though he's right. She's started reading the worst sentences out loud on purpose because his face is worth it every single time.

This week it's a paragraph about cognitive dissonance that she knows, even as the words are coming out of her mouth, has gone completely off the rails somewhere in the middle. She can feel it while she's reading it. She reads it anyway. Lev puts his laptop down very slowly.

"It makes sense," she says.

"Which part specifically?"

"All of it."

"Alex. You've used their three times in that sentence and it refers to three different people."

"It's clear from context."

"It is not clear from context." He takes the laptop. She watches him read it twice, clearly working out where to even start. He starts typing and the sentence becomes a different sentence. A better one, that means what she was trying to say. She reads it and rolls her eyes so hard you can almost hear it.

"Fine."

"You're welcome."

"I didn't thank you."

"I'm aware." She throws a pen at him. He catches it without looking, she's not sure if that's more annoying or hot or maybe both at the same time. He puts it back on the table in front of her, She looks up and he's smiling, dimple deep as hell, and she looks back at her screen immediately.

He goes out to grab their food a bit later and when he comes back he's got flowers in his hand, just casually holding them, like that's a normal friendly thing to do, sets them on the counter and starts unpacking the food without making anything of it. She pulls her hood up and turns back to her screen biting the inside of her cheek to stop the smile and thinks very clearly,

He's tryna kill me.

Later when they're done eating and Alex is back to editing, he stands behind reading over her shoulder while she types up the final version. He's close enough that she's aware of his warmth, at some point he rests his chin briefly on the top of her head to read something on the screen and then straightens up again like nothing happened. She does not look up from the screen, just keeps typing even though the tips of her ears have gone warm.