Hitorijime My Hero

Anger

TW:MENTIONS OF PAST R@PE
~Sleepy author~

It feels as though no matter how hard I try, I can't stop questioning why it had to be me of all people. What did I ever do to deserve this? My whole life, all I've ever wanted was to be loved and find some place to belong wether it was the gang or the Ohshiba family. How much more torture am I going to have to put up with?

It's late at night when I decide to go paint my anger out. I walk into the basement before pinning my hair out of my face and wrapping my apron around my waist. I grab a 30X40 inch canvas and set it on the stand. Without thinking I started going ham on it allowing my emotions to control the rest of my body. In pure anger I grabbed a tube of watered down crimson paint that I had used for a previous project and squeezed it as hard as I could onto the surface and just started scraping at it with my bare hands causing it to spread and for nail marks to form.

Suddenly, a set of arm wrapped around me; catching me off guard.

"It's just me" I hear my husband say.

As if a switch was turned off my anger disappeared and I just stood there feeling numb, paralyzed. Not knowing if I was feeling absolutely nothing or if I was feeling everything at once. Paint drips off my hands and onto the drop cloth as I stare at my artwork. There's the side profile a person colored in black, white, and shades of gray while the watered down crimson paint slides down over it from the top of the canvas, the claw like marks allowing the person to peek through.

"Do you want to talk?" Kousuke asked, still holding me in his arms.

"I...I want to go back to sleep" I replied.

He nodded, grabbed some paper towels, and wiped the paint off my hands before undoing my apron.

"Why don't you go wash your hands? Hopefully it'll get the color stain off" he said as he kissed my forehead.

I nodded and went upstairs to wash up. Kousuke was waiting for me on our bed and opened his arms once he saw me enter, inviting me to join him and to cuddle. I took the invitation and cuddled up with him. Light hums spill from his mouth and into my ears causing me to drift off to sleep.

Morning comes and I wake up to see the man next to me fast asleep. I walked into the kitchen and began to make waffles. I grabbed some fruit from the refrigerator and cut them up. Suddenly, a set of arms wrapped around my stomach from behind me and a head rested on my shoulder nuzzled into the crick of my neck before a small kiss is placed there.

"Good morning sleepyhead" I said ruffling his hair.

"Morning" he replied.

Kousuke set the table for us, filled small bowls with fruit, poured me a glass of orange juice, and started his coffee maker. I put the waffles on their respective plates once their done and watch as Kousuke waits impatiently for his "#1 teacher" mug that a student got him a while back to fill up as he's tapping his fingers on the countertop. The machine beeps and he lets out one of those "finally" sighs before joining me at the table.

"You really can't live without that, can you?" I asked, referring to his coffee.

He playfully rolled his eyes and we started eating.

"How are you feeling? Any better than last night?" He asked as we sit on the couch, letting our food digest.

"Yeah, sorry for worrying you." I replied before he grabbed my cheeks lightly and turned my face to look at him.

"You never have to apologize for anything like that. If you want to talk I'm here, and if you don't I won't force you to. I will always be here for you, even after I die I will look after you. There is nothing you can do or say to make me stop loving you. I'll be your shoulder to cry on and I'll try my best to listen without trying to fix it, I know that you sometimes just need to vent. I hope you know just how important you are to me."

"I...I'm angry" I admitted.

"At what?"

"God, or whatever entity is up there"

"I understand. I cannot relate, but I do understand. You have every right to be mad Masahiro."

Kousuke opened his arms to me and I practically threw myself into his embrace and tears fall out of my eyes and race down my face. He just held me and rubbed my back as he hummed an unfamiliar tune to claim me down, it worked.

"Why? Why me? Out of all the people in the world; what did I ever do to deserve this?!" I cried.

"I don't know my love, I really don't . If I could take away all your pain I would without a second thought. You are too good for this cruel and unjust world" he said, still rubbing my back.

I sat there for a while, balling my eyes out as Kousuke told me to let it all out and I did, so much I had a headache. Kou unleashed me for a short amount of time to get me an Advil and a glass of water. When he came back he wrapped his arms loosely around me as I downed the pill.

"I love you" he said a bit suddenly.

"I love you too"

"How about we stay in today and have a movie marathon?"

"That honestly sounds perfect" I say, cuddling up to him.

I love this man, so very much. How'd I ever get so lucky to have you and to call you mine? He is one of very few reasons that I cannot fully hate the entity from up about.