Owe [A Rusger book]

[Deformity]

'You felt that way for almost the entirety of your life?'

'Yeah.'

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I lied back in bed, staring up at the ceiling, my head was spinning like crazy. My weary eyes slowly shut once again, I felt the dryness in my eyelids scrape against itself. No matter how hard I clenched my eyes, it was still so bright, I could sense the sheer amount of light that was flooding in from my beaten-up window. I pealed my eyes open, it seemed as if they were glued together. 

I lazily rolled onto my side, staring into the cold abyss of a room. I hated my room with a burning passion, it was so revolting and humiliating to even call it my room. It was always messed up because of my stupid father. My father would get so drunk some nights that he'd trash my room for no good reason. That happened so frequently that I had just given up on trying to reorganize a mess that was bound to reappear. 

After a few minutes of just blankly staring into space, I sat up and stretched my arms, I stretched so hard that my arms rattled. My elbows and shoulders popped, sending a shiver trickling down my spine. I stood up and began to walk to the bathroom, pushing my thick, messy, black hair out of my face. 

I shut the off-white door and looked in the mirror, I cringed at the sight of me, I don't know why, but for the longest time I felt sick to my stomach anytime I saw a photo of myself, or looked at myself in the mirror, and it was exeptionally worse when I was just about to bathe. I just stood there, starig myself down, I felt my face tense up, as if I were about to cry. I don't know why I wanted to cry, why, why was I born this way? Why was I born with something that would make it so disheartening to even catch a glimpse of my reflection? 

I tried to calm myself down, but nothing worked, it felt as if my heart was heavy, it was like it was hurting, but it wasn't like a heart-attack kind of pain, it was just heavy, that's the only way I could describe it.

I hurried with my shower, pouring the soap onto my lengthy hair, scrubbing aggressively out of every inch of fury I held against it, in hopes I'd just tear it all out with my nails. I washed off my body, rinsed everything off, and practically leaped out, drying myself in a matter of seconds, and bolting out of the room, desperately searching my closet for something to cover myself. 

I finally found a decent outfit, a long, black, elbow-length sleeved dress, some white ruffly socks. Yet, despite it covering all the parts of me that made me feel the sickest, I still felt so wrong. There was something wrong with me, I knew there was. 

Nonetheless, I put my clothes on and hustled down the stairs, looking at the clock, I would be early to school today. I looked over at my uncle, who was scarfing down a piece of toast while attempting to read a newspaper, however, he looked rather disinterested with its contents. I was hungry, my stomach was groaning for fuel, but, I just left the house, it wasn't worth the argument.

As I was walking, my eyes looked down upon the concrete. My stride became less purposeful and I came to a halt. I watched as ants marched with crumbs to their colony. The sides of my face were pushed back with facination, a smile growing quickly, like a weed. 

'I wonder what the worker ants eat... maybe... the queen shares?' I pondered this question, trying to think of every piece of my limited knowladge of ants, but I came to no conclusion. 

'Hm, oh well, wherever it goes, I'm sure the workers are doing good.' I continued watching for a moment before facepalming. 'I should of just sucked it up, I could of gave the ants some bread to make their job easier.' I sighed deeply, disappointed in myself, before continuing down the street.

'Eh, I'm sure they know what they're doing, they have their ways.'

For the entire walk I did to the school, I wondered about ants, I even imagined a mega ant, an ant bigger than a two story house with rocket launchers attached to its abdomen. I giggled at the thought, creating various names for this creature, 'Ant-a-tron', 'Fire Ant', and 'Rockant launcher' were a few. Although, they weren't the best names out there.

Once I arrived, the whole ant brainstorming moment was blown out of the way once I spotted my best friend amongst the crowd. His name was Russia, he was tall, he had  icy blue eyes, he, everday, wore a brown fluffy jacket, and had long white hair. Many of the teachers frowned on his choice of longer hair, but to me, it makes him look quite handsome. 

"Hey, Gerry!" He said once he noticed me staring, a goofy grin appearing on his face. My face flaired up into a red-ish mess, and my heart fluttered. I gripped my shirt slighly as my chest tightened. I felt almost faint, as if my legs would go limp right there and I'd crumble to the floor. However I kept my composure, and with my free hand I waved, not realizing my face looked baffled.

He approached me hastly, gripping onto my arm that had my hand clutched to my shirt, and tugged me along with him. I suddenly felt my knees unlock and I began to move. My lovey-dovey haze slowly drifting from my mind as we faded into the setting of a classroom, he pulled me into the seat that was right next to his, before letting go of me and pulling out a paper plane from his bag. He then leaned towards me and whispered.

"I'm going to throw this at China once she walks in." He smirked mischeviously.

"Why is that?" I asked, raising a brow.

"Gotta tell her something, read it." He said bluntly, handing it to me. I observed the plane, it was the ordinary orgami plane, however, instead of it being blank, it had words inside. I took a look, squinting as I tried to read the small, yet sloppy handwriting of Russia. 

'You forgot your hairclips at my house, you can get them, but you have to fight  Ukraine first, I'm not dealing with her.' I snickered at the situation that I had just read in front of my eyes. It wasn't really that humerous, but something about Russia's dry sarcasm always made me feel better. 

I handed the plane back, just as China was walking through the door, promptly, Russia reered his arm back and tossed it toward China. It smakced her straight in the forehead, causing her to flinch. 

"Gah! What the-" She grumbled, picking up the piece of orgami and reading the inside of the plane. Apparently, she woke up on the wrong side of the bed that morning, because she just rolled her eyes and crumpled up the plane into a ball, tossing it into the trash.

Something about that action made my blood boil, it was a small rude action, yes, but looking at the disappointment on Russia's face after was enough to make me want to toss a chair right into China's face. I sighed, collecting myself before trying to consol Russia with a pat on the back.

"It's okay, she's just being an idiot." I mumbled softly. Russia nodded, smiling a bit, before the bell rung and the teacher entered, announcing that class was starting. I retracted my hand from Russia and pulled outt the text book from under my desk.

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"Did you like him?"

"I didn't just like him, I loved him. I loved him more than I can express to you, more than I myself can even fathom."

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End of chapter one: Deformity