𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐇 𝐈𝐓 ➛ ryusae

chpt 1 ➛ sae

Sae had what most people would call the perfect life. Two financially stable, happily married parents. A natural gift for football that had opened every door. A little brother who looked up to him, supported him, and followed in his footsteps. And his future? Already mapped out.

So why did it all feel so... empty?

He didn't have a reason to be unhappy—not one that made sense. And for a while, he thought maybe he was just being selfish. Maybe he wasn't grateful enough. His parents had sacrificed time and money, making sure every camp, every trip, every pair of boots was covered. They smoothed the path before he could ever trip on it.

Sae had tried to tell them to stop—he was 19 now, already earning enough to stand on his own. But part of him still felt like he didn't deserve all their effort.

And Rin. God, he felt bad for Rin sometimes. It was obvious who their parents favoured, even if they never said it aloud. The gap between them had only widened after Madrid. Sae tried to encourage him now and then—toss him the occasional compliment about his form or his pace—but things between them had been strained since he came back. And really, that was on him.

He wanted to be there for Rin. He really did. But after the brutal years training overseas, Sae was tired. Not physically—just tired of everything. Of people. Of expectations. Of pretending to care more than he actually did.

Life felt dull. Like it had already peaked.

They shared a dorm on campus, though Rin had been threatening to move out for a while now. Not because of any specific issue—just boundaries. Rin said it wasn't healthy to share everything with your brother. And, to be fair, Sae didn't need to know every detail about the people Rin brought back to the dorm. He certainly didn't need to hear them either.

A quiet knock came at his door, followed by Rin poking his head in.

"Hey," he said. "you alright?"

Sae sat up, rubbing at his eyes before answering. "Yeah. What's up?"

"Bachira's throwing a party tonight. His dorm, 10 pm. You coming?"

Sae almost said no. He wasn't the party type. Never had been. He was the guy who stayed home on weekends, sitting on the couch while the whole campus got drunk without him. Scrolling through Instagram stories, watching people dance and laugh and kiss under strobe lights, and feel... absolutely nothing.

But tonight, something tugged at him. A quiet, pitiful part of himself that asked—why not? Why stay here feeling sorry for himself?

He sighed. "Sure."

Rin blinked. "Wait, really?"

Sae rolled his eyes as he swung his legs out of bed. "You don't need to look that shocked."

Rin shrugged. "Honestly, I was fully expecting you to say no, but okay."

Instead of leaving, he stepped further inside, casually shutting the door behind him before flopping down onto Sae's bed like he owned the place. Sae didn't even bother protesting—it was typical Rin behavior.

"I'm gonna try to do more," Sae said, voice low, almost like he was convincing himself as much as Rin. "Rather than just watching you all have fun from the sidelines."

"Fair enough." Rin said as he leaned back against the headboard, arms crossed. His neutral expression slowly morphed into a smirk. "You drinking?"

Sae hadn't actually thought that far ahead, but the answer came easily.

"Might as well," he said. "If I'm going out, I'm doing it properly."

Rin didn't say anything at first, but Sae caught the subtle shift in his posture—the slight ease in his shoulders, the way his lips twitched at the corners. Relief, maybe. Like some invisible weight had been lifted. Like Rin had been quietly worrying about him, and only now let himself exhale.