𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐇 𝐈𝐓 ➛ ryusae

chpt 37 ➛ shidou

Sae was staying in Spain.

Shidou stared at the floor the whole walk back to the dorms.

The streets on campus blurred past him—low whistles of blowing leafs, flickers of golden headlights bleeding into deep purple dusk—but none of it touched him. None of it felt real. Just shapes and shadows, like he was moving through a dream someone else was having.

Sae was staying in Spain.

He repeated. He knew it. Sae had told him. On the phone, voice quiet but steady, like he'd finally found clarity after drowning in indecision for days. Like Shidou had helped him find that clarity.

And that was the thing—he had.

He'd been the one to tell Sae that they're lucky to have him. That he wasn't a puppet. That he could stay, should stay, if that's what would make him grow. That he'd be missing out on the opportunity of a lifetime.

Shidou had said those words.

He'd meant every one of them.

So why the hell did he feel so hollow?

The door to the dorm creaked open, and he stepped inside, kicking off his slides by the door. The dorm was lit with a soft, warm glow, the kind of lighting that was meant to feel welcoming—but Shidou barely noticed. He was still moving like he wasn't in his body at all.

Rin and Isagi were waiting in the living room, both their heads turning when they heard the door open.

Rin's arms were crossed, jaw tight like he'd been pacing for hours before Shidou got back. Isagi looked more wired—anxious but hopeful.

Shidou didn't say anything, and just shut the door behind him.

"Well?" Isagi asked first, barely giving him room to breathe. "Did you talk?"

"Did you yell at him?" Rin asked, more deadpan but clearly dying to know just the same. "Did he yell at you?"

"Did you cry?" Isagi added. "Because if you cried—"

"I didn't cry." Shidou cut him off. "And he didn't yell."

He walked past them and into the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water. His movements were too calm. And that made both Isagi and Rin exchange a glance behind him.

"Wait—" Isagi said, confused. "It went well?"

Shidou twisted the cap off the bottle. Nodded once. "Yeah. It went well."

Silence.

Rin's brow furrowed. "Then why do you look so upset?"

Shidou didn't answer immediately. He leaned back against the counter, taking a slow sip of water. His eyes stayed on the floor. Then, after a few seconds, he looked up.

"He's staying," he said, finally. "Sae's staying in Spain."

Then, Isagi blinked. "Wait, really?"

Shidou nodded. "Yeah. I told him not to walk away out of fear. That if he wanted to stay, if it made him better... he should. And... I guess he listened."

He stared blankly at the coffee table, the edges of his vision swimming like he hadn't slept in days.

It should've been a relief. It was a relief.

Sae had listened to him.

Sae loved him. He knew that—not because of anything dramatic, but because of the things they said, the apologies they meant. The way Sae's voice shook when he said I love you. The way Shidou had never once doubted that he meant it.