Breakfast with Amber

February 2023: Don't Tell My Grandpa This

But I had him pick my Splatfest team and then lost.

Allow me to explain. I have had an abnormal number of relatives' birthdays fall on Splatfest dates since Splatoon 3 released. First came my Grandpa Gus's birthday on November 12, which was during the Pokemon Splatfest. Second is my mom, whose birthday is on January 8, which in 2023 was during the Spicy/Sweet/Sour Splatfest. (or, as I like to call it, the Sweet/Sweet/Sweet Splatfest because was there any doubt in anyone's mind that Sweet was going to win?) It was then that I had an idea. I was staying with the 'rents for winter break. Why not ask my mom to pick my Splatfest team? She picked Sweet (because honestly, who wouldn't?), and we won.

Next came the chocolate Splatfest: Dark vs. Milk vs. White, and would you look at that? It starts on February 10, my Grampy Hub's birthday. I knew what I had to do. I sent a message to Grampy on Facebook messenger asking what his favorite type of chocolate was. He said milk with dark being second. Team Milk it is. I explained to him that there was a Splatfest coming up, and he said something like, "Go milk!"

I got my Team Milk shirt from the lobby, and I felt like I was ready to take on the world.

That is, until the actual Splatfest started. I'm sure anyone who was there for that Splatfest will remember how terrible of a time it was for Team Milk. I don't have any specific memories from this Splatfest because it didn't get recorded for the Splat Grind, and any records on SplatNet 3 have been booted and replaced by newer battles. The only footage I had was a clip I took of me splatting two Flingza Rollers in a row by running into them head-on and mashing with my Inkbrush. (For context, I hate Flingzas. I seem to get crushed by Flingzas way more than any other roller.) Other than that, it was awful. If I wasn't getting beaten by Team White, I was getting beaten by Team Dark. I got disconnected at the start of a 10x battle, and I think I rage-quit halfway through.

In the end, Team White swept on all categories. I'm sure anyone on Splatwitter (as I've decided to call it just now) remembers the outrage that happened when white chocolate won the popularity because who likes white chocolate? Then it came to light that white chocolate is extremely popular in Japan, and then it all clicked in my head. For those of you not in the online gaming community, there is a stereotype that Asian players, more specifically Japanese players, are really good, and the totals are calculated on a global basis, so if a bunch of Japanese players all pick the same team, then that team's gonna win way more than the others.

Milk, on the other hand, got last in everything except for popularity. I guess the one thing dark chocolate couldn't do was have more than 25% of people like it. I decided not to tell Grampy because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. It was his birthday, for goshsakes. Or two days after it, at this point.

Quick aside: If you're not sold on the whole "an abnormal number of relatives' birthdays fall on Splatfests" thing, here are all the Splatfests that have happened since then:

Nessie vs. Aliens vs. Bigfoot: March 31 to April 2, a week before Grandma Janet's birthday (April 8).

Legend of Zelda Splatfest: May 5 to 7, a week before Aunt Margaret's birthday (May 11).

(Skipping over Vanilla/Strawberry/Mint Chip and Money/Fame/Love because we don't really have any summer birthdays.)

Um'ami Ruins Big Run: September 2 to 4, during Aunt Suzy's birthday (September 3.) (Not a Splatfest but still worth noting.)

Deep Cut Splatfest: September 8 to 10, during Alex's birthday (September 10). I considered sending him a picture of the Splatfest announcement and asking him to pick a character blindly, but I wound up never playing this Splatfest. I feel like he'd be a Shiver guy, though.

And then there's Splatoween, which started on October twenty-SEVENTH when my birthday is on October twenty-SIXTH. You couldn't have had one 72-hour Splatfest that started on a Thursday? That or Nintendo put it the day after my birthday to throw me off their scent, but I know your secret. I know you know my family members' birthdays and are putting Splatfests on those days specifically.