Time, the best and the worst companion people could ask for. Time can heal people, time can break people. It decides people's fate. It decided people's lives. The same thing happened to Aditi. Her time went good for the first two years. But, the final year, weird thoughts started swirling around her mind. She was worried with the fear that the history would repeat again. Her mind was always living with the fear of failure, disappointment. It was the disappointment to her parents, to herself.
Her worries proved right. She couldn't do good in her final semester. When her father heard about her result, he said,
"Aaxa korai baad disu. Kiman nu kosto dibo ei Burha mak detakok."
Their words poked her skin like knives. Her body shivered, listening to their hatred towards her. She couldn't understand what made them hate her so much. Rumors started spreading in her colony,
"Bhal asil suwalijoni. Beya dhanda burot pori dhonxo hol. Deutakeo alaxot rakhisile nohoi, etiya paise moja bapeke."
She called Dada and said,
"Sobe kio enekoi koi o dada. Moi ki bhul korisilu nu?"
She would weep in front of him and he would console,
"Xodai kothabur xohoj thakibo nuware. Taan din pabiyei. Kintu, xodaai nijok sombhali rakhibi. Moi asu. Kintu, tor saya hoi toi he thakibo paribi."
Finally, she got admission in Handique Girls' College for her Post Graduation. Her parents decided to keep her in her mama's house. Initially, she hesitated, but with the worry of disappointing her parents, she decided to stay there. But, her fate didn't take her side that time too. Her mother said to her mama,
"Rakh aru dudin man, Bissax nai belegot thakile ki kore."
On the other hand, one day, her mami said to her with an irritated tone,
"Ki nu bhat keita khai amar kostere uparjon kora poisa keita khedai aso? Eneo toh porhat dekhaiso e ki koriso."
It was too much for her to handle. She might be a disappointment for her parents, but she had, not even once, let her parents bow in front of others. Her marks or having an affair had hurt her parents, but she was never a disgust, never anything near a spoiled child.
She took her bag and packed her things. This time too, her mind was not working. She was doing everything out of emotions. When she went out and reached the road, she found herself alone. There was no where to go. She didn't have friends there. Out of overwhelm, she took out a blade lying in her purse.
Taking out the blade, she kept looking at it. What it felt like dying? Suddenly, the question arouse in her mind. How would it feel like, if she had to feel nothing, just no more exist with all the people around her? Would she feel bliss, or just lie there, empty of emotions? Everything kept whirling around in her mind. She place the blade in her hand and closed her eyes. A little force in her hand, it pained, but not like the pain she faced for the last 3 years. There was a satisfaction in that penetration, something that only she understood. In a moment, she fell on the ground. The people gathered around her and started murmuring.
"Ki ba hol, suwali Joni sun hothat pori gol."
"Moribo khujisil sage."
"Ajikali je ki hobo eiburor. Korobat boyfriendor logot kajia kori ahise sage."
In the middle of the speculations, someone called the ambulance. By the time ambulance arrived, she had already lost a lot of blood. Some people helped to take her into the ambulance. Someone else looked into her purse and called her parents.
A silence surrounded their house. Suddenly, a loud shriek from her mother brought everyone to their sense. Quickly, her borta booked a car and except her borma, everyone went to Guwahati. Throughout the whole journey, her mother kept chanting prayers, laying her head on her husband's chest. Borta was looking at the road, unable to understand what was happening. Her brother also booked a ticket from Hyderabad, where he shifted a few months ago. Borma lighted "Saaki" in their Naamghor asking god for forgiveness and keep her out of danger.
She didn't remember what happened in the last 2 days. She opened her eyes, after staying in ICU for 2 days. An unbearable headache overwhelmed her. The nurse informed the doctor about her return to consciousness. The doctor rushed to the ICU to check her condition.
He went out, and said to her family,
"She has gained consciousness. Kintu teuk ami aru 4 hours man observationot rakhim. Jodi sob thike thake, teak cabinot shift kora hobo."
He started to walk, but stopped and turned back,
"I suggest apunaloke ejon Psychiatristor logot consult kori loi, just so that, akou nohoi eitu case."
Her mother sat down at the chair. She couldn't stand anymore. What did the doctor mean? Was their daughter becoming a mad person? No, she could never, ever become mentally ill. How could he? All the thoughts kept beating her chest over and over again. She looked at her husband and folded her hands. With weeps mixed in her voice, she said,
"Mor suwali pagoli nohoi o! Nalage jabo tai kunu psychiatristor usorot nibo nalage. Dudin man taik morom korilei tai bhal hoi jabo."
Her husband sat beside her, unable to explain anything to her.
After 4 long hours, she was finally taken to the cabin. The first person, she saw beside her was her father. He was sitting in the tool, waiting for her to get to her senses, like the old days when she got sick. She thought, did he still love her, even after doing so much to hurt them. Were they still the same. Would he stay there longer even if she didn't open her eyes. A drop of tear fell from her eyes. Seeing the tear, her father said, patting her head,
"Ma."
The word made her weep harder. She opened her eyes. He was looking at her. His eyes were filled with tears. He said,
"Kio eibur koro ko sun? Toi nuhuake ami jiyai thakibo parim janu?"
Now, who would tell them, their words only made her existence more difficult. Their taunts questions her need to exist. Their disappointment towards her made her vulnerable to the point that she decided to take her own life.
After a while, Dhon dada entered the room. He was busy, but still came to see her from so far. He came near her and put his hand on her cheeks. Her tears touched his hands. He wiped them. He said, with a smile,
"Bhale aso Tikli?"
She blinked her eyelids. Her body was too weak to respond through nods. She looked around her and again looked at Dhon dada. Understanding her signal, he said,
"Khura, tumalok olop bahirot thaka. Eir logot mor kotha ase."
Her father and mother nodded and left the room. He sat on the tool where her father was sitting. He again said, after a while,
"Ki hoise ko?"
She said, without any sound in her voice,
"Najanu."
"Ko sun mok."
"Moi para nai Dhon dada."
He again touched her head and said,
"Kio nuwaribi? Pariso tu toi. Paribi toi!"
"Ghorot najau. Iyatu ja.. ga.. nai."
She coughed in the middle of her sentence. He held her shoulders, trying to help her body. When she was again lying on the bed, he said,
"Jibon tu tor he. Baki sob side characters he. Main character e nice nahare, belegok he horuai, hoine?"
She nodded. He smiled and said,
"Tetiyahole, toio haribo nuwaro. Jujube lagibo. Arre life hoi. Iman xohoje dibo ne tok."
His words impacted her. But she never made to the psychiatrist. Her parents didn't want to take her there. They took her to home and right away booked a paying guest for her....
YOU ARE READING
XOMANTORAL
General FictionAditi, a small town girl comes to explore a part of herself that she didn't want to be revealed. But, there comes a lot of struggles, a lot of confusions and a lot of reveals of her past life.
