Pas de Trois

Chapter 15: "How bad could it be?"

Danny put his head against the shower wall. What the hell was going on?

The night started out so well. Matt was waiting for him after the show and they'd gone to his apartment because his parents were out for the night. It seemed like everything was going right - until it wasn't. No matter how close Danny felt to him before that it was like the second Matt was inside him he felt completely alone.

He hadn't lied to Slade, not even a little. The pain was awful and Danny still hurt. His muscles wouldn't relax either. It felt like he needed to keep squeezing and even that didn't help. Maybe Slade was right, that it wasn't supposed to hurt that much. How could he face Matt again?

Worse, how could he even think about Matt when all he wanted was to think about Slade? It was like a dream kissing him. Danny smiled thinking about the moment Slade kissed back and how he'd held on, almost like he knew Danny was about to push him away.  

Danny grabbed the soap, washing fast so he could get back to Slade. I really want to kiss you again. It was too good to be true. He watched the soap rinse off his body and down the drain, wishing somehow he could send Matt with it.

It took him a minute to dry off and find some pajama pants but Danny went back to Slade's room and froze. He hadn't been gone that long but what if Slade changed his mind? Slade looked up, his eyes wandering over Danny.

"Come on, it's late," Slade's voice was different somehow, needing.

"Sorry," Danny crossed the room and got into bed. He turned off the light and scooted into Slade's arms, right where he always landed on nights like this.

Since they were little that was how it always worked. If Slade had a nightmare, Danny held him but if Danny was upset then Slade was the one to hold him. Danny had always known it meant something different to him than it did to Slade but  he'd gotten past that - most of the time.

Tonight though, that was different. Danny could feel it. Slade held him tighter than before and held his breath every time Danny shifted, like he was worried Danny might get too far away. It felt like a wall between them was gone.

"Do you think I should break up with Matt?" Danny asked after they'd been lying there a few minutes. He couldn't picture it working. Not now.

"I don't know," Slade said. He was quiet for a few seconds. "Are you going to tell him what happened tonight?"

"About the kiss?" Danny asked. Slade nodded. "I won't tell if you don't."

"See, I need you tell me what to do, Danny," Slade said. "I'm such a mess right now, I don't want to ruin everything."

"I'm serious about not telling," Danny said. "I don't care if that's right or wrong, I'm not going to say anything to anyone."

"Okay," Slade said. He was quiet again, this time for so long that Danny got nervous. Was that the wrong answer? Should he just tell Matt everything and end it? But what about Chloe? Did Slade want to tell her? Because that changed things a lot.

"Unless you want me to?" Danny asked.

"Kiss me?" Slade asked, taking Danny's breath away. Where did that come from? He was about to ask when Slade spoke again. "Oh, tell people," he said.

"You really are a mess," Danny relaxed. They both were, honestly. "We're not saying anything, Slade. We were confused. Once The Nutcracker is over we can figure all this shit out but for now let's just focus on surviving until Christmas, okay?"

"Okay," Slade agreed. It felt like there was more to say but neither one of them spoke.

Danny could hear voices in the hall the next morning and had a feeling his mom was about to wake them. He wasn't ready for that, no way.  It was light in Slade's room which meant it was well into the morning but he was too tired.