Shameless (Jalex Fanfic)

Chapter 20: Fuck The World

Alex POV:

Head. Throbbing. Pain. Ow.

I opened my eyes expecting to see the tour bus around me but I was sorely mistaken. There was, however, a sleeping boy next to me with black and blue/green hair. Then it all hit me.

Jack and I broke up.

I got smashed and slept with Will last night.

I groaned and turned away from Will's unconscious body. Fuck this hotel room. Fuck booze. Fuck this boy next to me. (oh wait I already did) Fuck the lead guitarist. Fuck my life. Fuck the world. What was I gonna do now? Will was probably going to think we were together, shit, maybe we were. Would it be so bad if we were? Jack would not be happy with this, but he made me leave so he doesn't have the right to be mad at me.

I cringe slightly as I felt an unfamiliar pair of arms wrap around me.

"Morning," Will breathed against my neck.

I shivered, "Um, morning."

He sat up quickly, pulling away from me, "Oh god, you regret it. I'm sorry. I should never have..."

I turned to look at him, "I-I don't... I'm just confused."

"I can tell you what happened if you want..." I nodded so he went on, "Well, you and Jack had a fight. And you were crying and we went out to a bar. You drank a lot and I got this hotel and when we get here we, um, had sex."

"Oh..." So what I remembered was actually what happened. That's a first.

"Look, we can just act like it didn't happen," Will said, "I know you probably still have feelings for Jack."

I made a pained expression, "Yeah. Yeah I do, but really I can't with him right now. He's pushed and pushed and no matter how much I love him, I can't just go back."

"Yeah," Will nodded. I knew he was going to ask it, and he had the right to but I just wasn't prepared, "And... us?"

"I, uh, I don't know," I said, it was the truth. I wanted to have Jack but he didn't want me and I couldn't stop thinking about him and, maybe if I gave Will a chance it would keep my mind off Jack. Maybe it wouldn't hurt so bad. I'm ten minutes into being apart from Jack and I already feel like my chest is going to burst from the pain and splatter all over the hotel room. "Maybe, we could try?"

"I don't want to force you into anything..."

"You're not," I said, "Let's do it."

"Okay," he smiled, "We better get back to the bus though. They'll leave without us."

I made a face, "I need alcohol if I'm gonna be on a bus with him for any period of time."

"That we can do," Will pulled me up and we put our clothes back on. There was a near by liquor store where we got some drinks to numb me again. He called a cab and soon enough we were back in front of the damn tour bus.

I went to my bunk and collapsed I looked over to the bunk that was right across from mine. I don't know what I expected to see. And I don't know why I did it. I knew it would only hurt us both more... but I did it anyway. Because I guess I'm selfish.

Jack was there staring at me as Will climbed in next to me, his eyes shone with pain for a moment then he closed them and laid his back to meet the pillow.

"Try to rest babe, you've got a show tonight," Will said wrapping an arm around me. My eyes stayed on Jack, who flinched slightly. I sighed and closed the curtain to my bunk.

After a few more sips of the bottle Will and I were sharing, I tried to close my eyes and let sleep come over me. I couldn't even to try and sleep knowing I was the cause of Jack softly sobbing in his bunk across from me.

Jack POV:

"This!" Alex yelled into the microphone, "Is Will Carter! And he is my new boyfriend!" Alex brought his lips to Will's right in front of me, in front of everybody. He stared at me after words. I kinda just stood there plucking at my guitar. It wasn't my place to get mad at him, even if it was eating at my heart.

"What's wrong, Barakat?"

I shrugged. I wasn't going to let him get to me.

"You have something you wanna say? No? Of course not." Alex frowned at me. I didn't say anything back. He was drinking before the the show. I saw him do it. I didn't listen to anything he said because I knew drunk Alex was stupid Alex and he didn't mean anything he was saying.

Alex had been drinking a lot since we ended. It seemed like that's all he and Will did. I knew it was my fault. I should've just fucking told people about us. Alex wouldn't be with that stupid prick. He'd be with me and we'd be happy. I couldn't believe I'd fucked up this bad.

Alex strummed at his guitar as Will left the stage. He made my heart ache. Everything about him said he was in pain. I fucking caused that. I did that to the person I loved most in the world.

He moved up to the microphone again and looked at me, "This next one is called Coffee Shop Soundtrack. It goes out to you, Jack. Cheer up a bit, alright?"

I played the song as the rest of my band did, only, I lost myself while I was playing. No matter what I wouldn't let anything affect me on stage while I was doing the thing I loved. Playing guitar was literally the only thing that made sense to me. It was the only thing I could do that made it hurt less.

The show ended after many more jabs from Alex. My mind went back to him and my chest hurt worse than before. I went back to the bus. Alex and Will disappeared. That was the now normal routine. It was hard for me to be alone, but I brought it on myself so I didn't have the right to complain.

I was the stupid one to fuck it up. Now I was living with the consequences. I just wish Alex didn't have to. He deserves better than that.