Shameless (Jalex Fanfic)

Chapter 24: Experts Say I'm Delirious

Alex POV:

It hurt so bad saying those things. So fucking bad. I didn't want to hurt either of them. Will was a nice person and Jack was the love of my life.

When I told Will I would never love him the hope in Jack's eyes almost stopped me from going on, but I had to. I told Jack it wouldn't change us when Will ran away. (I later learned he quit after that and went home, which made me feel even worse.)

I started freaking out and Jack just held me and told me it was okay. He called me baby, but I didn't care because I couldn't function or breathe. He carried me back the to the bus. I fell asleep before we reached the door.

—-

I'd been up for at least on hour, just staring that the ceiling of my bunk. I wasn't worried or anxious or panicky. A weird calm had been radiating through my body. For once I wasn't hurting. I wasn't upset or mad at the world. I just wanted to enjoy the peace because I knew I'd only have it for moments.

"Alex, are you feeling okay?" Exactly.

I looked over, even though I recognized the voice, "I'm okay."

Jack bit his lip, "Do you want anything? Water? Some food?"

I shook my head and looked back at the ceiling, "No. I'm alright."

That was the first time in weeks I talked to Jack without my chest hurting.

Even though I told him no he brought me water. He said I needed it. I didn't need anything right now. I was completely fine.

Staring at the ceiling was really calming. I laid there and thought about nothing. It was nice for a change. I had been really quiet lately, but my mind still raced with worries. It was so relieving to just turn it off for a few hours.  To relax and just be calm.

I think I kinda deserved it after what had happened the night before.

Jack POV:

I knew Alex would be hurting, but he didn't look hurt. He sat there, staring up, but I had a feeling he wasn't really looking at anything. What had I done? Had I finally broke him? Broke they one person I ever really loved? I wanted to tear my hair out of my head because it was all my fault.

I brought Alex food and drink and most of the time when I came back it was gone. The next show wasn't for a couple of days and it took quite a while to get there so we were going to be on the bus a lot.

I sat on my bunk looking at Alex staring at the ceiling. I really couldn't sit there and do nothing. I needed the smiley boy I once knew back. The one who would tell me he loved me whenever he got the chance.

I hopped off my bunk and went over to his. I peaked my head in the curtain, "Hey Alex, I need to tell you something."

I looked over at me, no smile, no frown. Nothing. "Okay."

"I, um, I told Rian about us."

"What about us?" His eyes kinda did a thing but it went away quickly.

"I told him we used to be together..."

"Why would you tell him that?"

"Well, he um, saw me carrying you into the bus and he asked what was up."

"Jack, you could've just told him I was drunk. That isn't even a lie."

I bit my lip and decided to tell the truth, "Actually he didn't see me carry you in."

"So why did he ask?"

"I, um, might've done something he thought was odd."

Alex actually frowned. I didn't want him to be upset with me, but if he was breaking from his apathetic attitude then I was happy. "What did you do?"

"I said some stuff..."

"That's it?"

I pursed my lips, "Um... no..."

"Jesus, Jack, what did you do to me? Is there a fucking dick drawn on my face or something?"

"No," I said weakly.

"So what was it?"

"I might've, I kinda... I was talking to you and I tucked you in and told you it would be alright. And then I kinda maybe kissed you," I managed to say.

Alex snapped right out of the 'nothing matters' look he had, "You what?"

"I kissed you."

Alex POV:

Everything came into focus. Everything made sense.

I was calm because I wasn't worried about us. I knew it would be okay because that's what he told me. He kissed me and nothing mattered anymore. The calm that was over me was still present but I felt a pang of something in my chest. It hurt but like in a good way.

"Why'd you do that?"

Jack shrugged and looked down, "It felt right."

I was speechless. He told Rian about us after he kissed me in front of him. He wouldn't do that when we were together. Why now?

"You told Rian after that?"

He nodded, "Yeah, I was scared you were going to be mad at me but, I told him."

"Why would I be mad? It's not like I ever wanted to keep it a secret."

"True," he said softly avoiding my eyes, "I'm really sorry about everything."

I paused, looking at his face. He was perfect. His brown eyes were down and he looked sad. Judging by how silent I was he probably thought I didn't forgive him. He kinda stepped back when I didn't say anything but, I grabbed his hand, "I forgive you," I said just as softly he did.

He looked up at me, a smile hinting in his eyes and around his lips, "Really?"

I nodded grinning a little.

"Wanna watch a movie with me?"

For the first time in almost a month I smiled for real, "As long as it's Home Alone."

"Of course," Jack said holding out a hand to help me get down. I took it and hopped down off my bed. We went into the back lounge where Rian and Zack were sitting one on each couch. I sat down on the one with the best view of the TV and Jack sat next to me, like right next to me. He smiled at me as he turned on Home Alone.

Rian eyed us in a curious way and Zack was too busy staring at his phone. He probably didn't even know we were a couple before. Jack was cautious about sitting next to me.

I don't think he was doing it for the same reason as before. I'm pretty sure he didn't want to do something to make me uncomfortable.

Rian looked over at me a few times, I would smile at him and turn back to the movie. He knew but, I didn't know how he took it. He didn't seem disgusted beyond reason like Jack had originally assumed he would.

I was happy. Even before Jack reached out and grabbed my hand.