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𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐬 𝐔𝐩: This isn't actually a poem but I wanted to add it anyways because I really like this one lol. 

This page is much longer than the rest of them, but it's still worth it!!! ...

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How can he be so cruel? I bet he doesn't even know it, but he breaks me every time he ignores me, he burns me every time he decides not to reply, and he shreds me to pieces when I realize he may not care. Yet still,  I don't give up on him, I love him so I try to have him. I'm unsure if we're meant to be or if he even wants me, it breaks my heart knowing that he might not even care. However, I keep in mind that everything is uncertain in my situation, I keep going, hoping that one day things work out. I may be in pain now, but maybe there'll be a day when everything works out. I keep hoping. I keep praying that he feels the same way...but not knowing is killing me. If only I knew whether it was a yes or no, at least letting go may get easier, yet I don't know...I still don't know...I may not ever know.

Questions float around me, I feel them taking over me sometimes. I wonder; Why does he care so much?  Does he even care or is it just me and my silly imagination? Why does he have to be so unpredictable? He shows extreme attention one moment and a complete lack of caring the next. He may be very considerate, kind, conversational, and practically perfect one day and then the complete opposite the next. Why does he change so abruptly in such a strange way? .. How is it even possible to change that fast? Why must he be so infuriating? I continue to give him my all despite everything he does. He always seems appreciative when I offer to help him, and he seems like such a wonderful guy. Yet he's somewhat unpredictable at times. How come? Why does he sometimes decide to ignore me completely and sometimes give me so much attention? I question whether he even considers me to be anything or if I even mean anything to him.

I don't know if I'm going crazy or if I'm so blind that I can't see he doesn't want me, but sometimes he seems to open up so much and the next second he looks so aloof. He might simply be taking advantage of me. It's possible that I actually don't matter at all, but how exactly do I come to believe that? He waits for me and grins at me with his charming face and glistening eyes. He talks to me and cares about my feelings. How can someone be so perfect, yet not?

At this point, I think I'm losing it. I love him so much! This small feeling that started as an infatuation has turned into this feeling of love, and at this point, it's hard to turn back. Although I don't know him that well, much of him remains a mystery to me, he means so much to me already. If only I could go back in time, tell myself not to fall in love with someone that I can't have, someone who maybe doesn't even want me, someone who drives me crazy...BUT at the same time I admire the way life has shaped itself, this guy I barely know makes me so happy and sometimes keeps me excited for the next day. He gives me something to fight for, something to look forward to.

Why does he have to be someone so difficult to get? Maybe me and him aren't meant for each other, maybe there is someone else that is meant for me. That "maybe" ohhh that word kills me. Yet sometimes even this word "maybe" becomes some sort of certainty for me. This feeling of certainty builds and becomes stranger just like my destiny which flips and turns so abruptly.

I wonder, why every time I'm willing to let go, I'm willing to give up, I'm willing to move on; Oh Why, why does destiny throw him back at me? Why does destiny make me feel so confused? Every time I try to let him go, I convince myself that maybe he isn't the one, just then why does he choose to do something which leads me to believe maybe, oh maybe; he might just like me.

Even now I'm so uncertain. I don't know whether or not me and him are meant to be, whether or not he likes me, but I guess I'm willing to hope. That's strangely all I can do in my situation, hope for the best. Yet at the same time, I'm so fearful, but I tell myself to think for the better, to look for the light in the darkness. Maybe someday he might become my light, the moon in my night or the sun in my day. So I look towards the future, the coming weeks and I tell myself  "When the time comes, It'll all work out" and I hope destiny doesn't think otherwise. I pray it really does all end up working out for the best. Inshallah!

A.A.R