RUTHLESSLY

Sight

Jade's POV

I barely slept last night, instead I was thinking about everything that has gone down in the past few days. It haunted me but not more than the past few years did. I always told myself I could hold out just a little longer, hold on just for a while, hoping that maybe he would change. Now, I didn't think he was capable of it if he ever was, Jason just didn't want to. 

But it wasn't only him who was driving me on the crazy train it was all of them. These past few days didn't only feel like hell they felt like a game. A game everyone was playing and I was in the middle of it being held like some prize, and honestly I couldn't take it anymore.

Sitting on Jody's bed with silence incasing me was peaceful, I stared at the wall letting my thoughts roll around in my head in a zombie like state. No fighting, no one controlling me, kidnapping or hitting me. Still, I knew as soon as I decided to open the door all of those problems would be waiting to welcome me back with open arms. I shook my head putting it against my knees feeling hopeless. How do I make all of this end? 

I had choices, I could go back to Jason with the hope that he'd change but there was no real evidence to back that up so really I'd just be walking back to the same situation with a promise of different circumstances... and a chance of the same ones. I didn't want to risk that, not again. 

Then I could go to Karma, but I already tried that. She seemed to accept Jason's apologies as soon as he offered one. It didn't matter what he did, she was always ready to forgive and forget. I couldn't blame her though, he was our brother. Family. Who doesn't try to see the best in their own family? 

Last was the first technical option I had tried. To run away. That didn't go very well, then again I did include Jody in my plans which was a major error I should have left on my own without anyone knowing where I'd gone and I never should have gone to the farm. Then I would have just disappeared, a few weeks or months would have gone by and they all would have forgotten. Maybe that wasn't such a bad idea, in fact it seemed like the best idea to throw away all of my problems. 

I felt confident, I'd just leave. I wouldn't include anyone else, I would get back on a bus and get off where I felt they wouldn't look or where I felt most comfortable then I would lie low, get a job... Have a fresh start. A start I should have had in the first place. 

A knock at the door startled me. I looked towards it frantic until I heard Jody's muffled voice sound from outside. "Hey.. are you hungry?" He asked. 

I thought for a moment, this would be the perfect opportunity. He would go out to get food and I'd be gone by the time he would get back. "Sure.." I answered him. I didn't hear anything but shuffling away from the door. I moved and watched out the window as he started the truck and left. A shaky breath left my lips, I wouldn't take anything with me but I couldn't leave without telling Jody goodbye. It felt wrong.

I would leave him a note.

Jody's POV

I didn't feel right about last night, I could have done more to comfort her. I could have given her a better answer that what I did, but how could I have? I advocated for Jason again. Some unfamiliar part of me still idolized him and wanted to give him another chance. It made me just as much as an enabler as it did Karma, I had no right saying what I said to her either. 

Half the day had already gone by and I heard nothing from upstairs, no movement. I was worried. I wanted to go and check on her but another part of me thought I should just leave her be. I was torn between the two. Still against my better judgement I found myself walking upstairs and knocking on the door, I would at least see if she was hungry.

"Hey.. are you hungry?" I asked after receiving no answer. I held my breath anticipating more silence, but to my surprise I heard her small voice from through the door. 

"Sure." I felt relieved hearing her voice. It was enough for me to move away from the door and drive away in Jason's truck. I wouldn't push for anything more. Maybe I would try talking to her when I came back, for now I'd leave her to think a little longer.  

A feeling of dread crashed over me, what would I say to her? I had no experiences that could even closely relate to what she's been going through. I couldn't make her feel better even though thats all I wanted to do. I wanted to know how she felt but was that even my place to ask? I didn't want her keeping everything inside but what if I wasn't the person she wanted to talk to? 

I always felt so out of bounds when I tried to talk to her about anything related to this. It wasn't my place, or my past. She should be able to feel whatever she needed to. She didn't need my input. The answer I gave her last night proved just that. 

I put the truck in park as I pulled into the diner parking lot hoping out and heading inside. I was greeted by a waitress behind a desk. "Hi there" She beamed, "Picking up?" I nodded my head. 

"Order for Johnsons." She nodded cheerfully then walked back into the kitchen quickly returning with a back. I paid for the food, giving thanks then getting back on the road home.

I decided It might be okay to talk to her if it was helping her with her problems, not causing more. She didn't need anymore conflict, she needed someone who was there for her fully and understandably. Thats what I would do, I would help. I felt better thinking I would try to do something instead of just leaving her alone to deal with things by herself. I walked up the stairs and knocked on her door a few times, after a few minutes of not hearing anything I opened the door carefully peering inside. "Jade?" I said aloud. Nothing. 

That's when I saw a handwritten note placed on the pillow. I picked it up and sat down reading over it. I hung my head in my hands coming to the end of it. I dialed Karma's number and held my phone to my ear as it rang.  

"Karma, she's gone, she left."