RUTHLESSLY

Backtracked

It was early morning, I hadn't slept at all that night. I was too busy staring at the gutter windows, my brain had been antagonizing me with all the what if's.

Crawling through the windows and running to the city in the dead of night had seemed too easy.

So I sat staring, frozen in my own fear. Urging myself to run, to just go.. But I stayed.

I sat still in the same position from last night, I hadn't moved an inch, my head hurt from over thinking so much. The food Jody had brought me last night was untouched, sure maybe the food would have given me enough energy to go, even make me think a little more clear.

Maybe I hadn't thought it through, I looked to the window to see the sky starting to light up outside, still a blue hue imatating the night sky could still be seen.. It must be around five or six a.m.

I slowly started to stand up, feeling my bones crack while I did, my knees stung as my skin stretched, almost reopening my skinned wounds. I'm lucky they weren't deep enough to open up again, however they were dirty enough to gain puss around the slow forming scabs.

I guess Jody didnt clean them good enough. Oh well.

My head pounded harder than yesterday, showing that evidently, I was getting a fever, which meant I was becoming sick.

As I stood up my sight was consumed by black dots which quickly took over my vision, I felt woozey and almost fell over, I caught myself before I did.

I pushed everything back, trying to ignore all the pain.

'Pathetic' my mind scoffed 'coward, you can't even leave. Look at yourself. We'll die.'

I closed my eyes, as if I was scared to die, to me death was sleep, and I wanted to sleep so badly, death was just one I didnt need to wake up from.

I jumped when I heard the basement door unlock and Jasons voice came from the door.

"Jade. Your needed. Come." He said sternly.

I sighed mentally, he probably wanted me to do housework for him. I felt the pounding in my head intense as my heart rate increased.

I took a breath in, 'its fine' I told myself 'I just need to get done whatever he needs and I'm in the clear'

'Just don't fuck up' my mind replied. Always against me.

I ignored her and started upstairs, each step making me spin. I shook it off as I got to the door, pushing it open. I made my way towards the kitchen, where Jason usually was.

He was sitting at the end of the kitchen table, probably rolling a joint. I quietly stopped just a step or two away from him, he looked up once he noticed me.

"Good morning" he said with fake enthusiasm. I only stood quietly, trying not to sway back and forth.

He eyed me and glared, "I said, good morning Jade." This time he raised his voice more, making it boom. "Are you too good to say it back to me?"

He put both of his hands on the table, and stared me dead in the eyes, I only looked down, shaking my head in response. "Morning.. Jay.." I mumbled to him.

He seemed to calm down and a smirk grew on his face. "Now, was that so hard?" I shook my head again.

He scoffed at me, then nodded his head towards the sink. "Dishes."

I nodded and headed for the sink, my heart felt like it was flying, making my head feel like a jackhammer. He watched me walk to the sink, which I don't know if I was swaying and that's why he was watching, or he just wanted me to fuck up so he could ruthlessly beat me.

Everything was quiet as I started doing the dishes, about halfway through, Jody came down from his bedroom. He gave me a glance before greeting Jason and sitting at the other end of the table with him.

I could hear them talking, barely. I could feel my face getting hot, and my ears felt like they were underwater. All I could hear was blurred words. At least my vision was okay.

I picked the last dish out of the sink,

'almost in the clear'

I picked the sponge up, and started wiping down the plate, as I was about to rinse it my hand cramped up, my hand spassed out, and..

'You dumb bitch. You just dropped the plate'

I heard it smash against the ground. I dropped to the ground the second I had let go, brushing the broken pieces up with my hands. Small chards went into my hands, the bigger chards only cut into them.

I never heard Jason get up, but I couldn't have in the first place, my hearing was clouded. He grabbed a fist full of my hair and bent down to my ear.

"Get.the.broom, are you stupid?" He spat, throwing my head back, letting go of my hair.

I was about to get up to go grab the broom, when Jody re rounded the corner, broom in his hand. He handed it to me, and I swept up the rest of the mess on the floor, visibly shaking as I did.

Jason watched me, scowl on his face as if I had done him so wrong he couldn't look at me.

'Maybe its disgust'

'You are disgusting'

I threw the broken pieces out and moved to put the broom away. The broom hung on the basement door, I turned my back to hang if back up. I didn't hear Jason come behind me, or else I wouldn't have turned around.

When I did turn around, I got a harsh slap to the face. It stung, my hand immediately flew to my cheek holding it, hoping for relief.

I felt tears threatening to come out, but I wouldn't cry in front of him knowing that his word could be so much more worse.

He pushed me then, I almost let myself fall down the flight of stairs, but I caught myself on the railing. I felt the door slam shut behind me.

I went back down to the basement, slumping on my pile of dirty clothes again, bringing my knees to my chest and letting my tears flow freely.

'Why didnt I run?'