With All My Senses

the sounds of sorrow

sound  / noun

vibrations that travel through the air or another medium                                                                            and can be heard when they reach a person's or animal's ear

I still stand there looking out the window after he leaves. The memory of the nightmare I had permanently stitched into my brain. I stare at him, at first just watching his silhouette disappear on the sidewalk. I stay in place, unmoving until my legs go numb. Looking at the streets and people passing each other by. I gaze at them, yet I don't really see them. Instead, I think about the past couple of days. I wonder. I worry. Surprised I can still be involved in other people's lives like that. My eyes close for a moment.

I did meet Mrs. Wilson by accident, and out of boredom really. Just like I explained to Charlie. What I didn't mention to him, is how I really knew so many things about her. As usual keeping to my half-truths. Just so I don't have to answer any more questions. I had enough trouble with keeping up with my own lies as it was. I just didn't want to add to it. So I said as many truths as I could possibly master and hoped that it would be enough. I cared about him and felt bad every time I wasn't honest with him - which, let's face it, was often.

Two days ago when I went to see him as usual at the hospital, I saw this old woman laying on her bed alone. No one else in the room that she was staying in. I remember passing her room and feeling an instant pull towards her. I could feel my head start to pulsate. But not in pain, as usual, this time it was different. As if I was being called, instead of being attacked. I felt her pain, but it didn't touch me. I just 'heard' it somehow. I stopped then for a second, my confusion growing., not really sure what to do next. This kind of situation was happening to me for the first time; I had no idea what to do. I only shook out of it when a nurse walked past me, hitting me on the shoulder because I was standing in the middle of the corridor, like a complete idiot. Probably with my mouth open.

I'm sorry, I wasn't watching.

The nurse says, both apologetic and annoyed at the same time. I wondered if she was related to Susan. She had the same penetrating eyes as she did. Maybe it was a nurse thing. I clear my throat, still in a bit of a daze.

No, that was completely on me. My bad.

She looks at me for a moment like she is trying to remember something and then gives me a dry smile.

I see you don't get distracted only by Mr. Evans.

I look a bit shocked at her for a moment and then her smile turns warmer when she sees my embarrassment.

Eleonore, right? I see you around from time to time and hear about you from...

Let me guess, Susan?

I lift my eyebrow and give her a meaningful look. She just rolls her eyes. The head nurse was famous here. And it wasn't just for her professionalism at work.

I was going to say, the other nurses, but yes. Were you going to see Charlie?

Yeah, I was just about too, Joan. 

I glance at her name tag and make sure to remember her name. 

Is he busy a lot today?

Yes. An ambulance just came in, so he is helping with the new patients. I guess that it will take him a couple of hours to get everything in order. I am heading there later to see if they need more help. I just need to take care of things here first.