With All My Senses

a few easier breaths

"You don't have to let that one thing

be the thing that defines you."

― Jojo Moyes, After you

My gaze lifts to the lazy sky, only a few clouds disturbing the perfect blue as they glide at a steady pace over my head. The wind on top of the hill blows my hair in different directions as I look up at him, the view of a small pond stretching faintly in the distance behind him. He's shaking his head a bit but smiling. My fingers automatically wrap around a paper cup filled with hot chocolate, and ridiculous tiny marshmallows right to the brim.

We could have picked a restaurant, you know? Somewhere warm and without drafts.

My face grimaces a bit as it's not the first time that he has said that since we got our food and drinks. My shoulders shrug as my gaze slowly shifts to a medium-size pizza box with a bunch of toppings that could suffice an army. It's lying between us on a beaten up picnic table, keeping company with the other empty calories slushing lightly in our cups.

I'm low maintenance, enjoy it.

The tone of your voice suggests that I forced you into this.

I look up from my sweet hot heaven and watch as he lifts his eyebrow slowly, eyeing me amused.

Oh no, don't get me wrong. I never pass on the chance of a meal that I don't have to actually pay for.

Then?

I didn't feel like doing anything fancy.

You mean with the privilege and luxury of four walls?

Exactly, you get me.

I nod once, and take a big sip, trying not to make a face when my own greediness burns my tongue.

Nora.

It's just another day in the year, Charlie. Nothing special.

Nothing special, with everything else going on in your life?

Yes, and no.

A low sigh escapes my throat as my thumb moves against the corner of the table, some small part of my brain wondering if I will stumble on a splinter. Any distraction from myself was highly welcomed.

I have never been a fan of the day, and now, I see even less point for any celebrations. You know?

I think I can understand that.

Well, do you like it?

I gaze at him from the side, fingernail scraping against the not yet opened pizza box. Somehow, I always had a need to do something with my hands while talking to people, a simple way of gathering up my messy thoughts.

Do I like what?

Birthdays, I bet you do.

I won't deny it, I rather enjoy them as it's a good opportunity to spend some time with my family and those close to me.

There is sudden silence after the last words, so I look up, finding him gazing to the side for a moment, deep in thought.

I often forget to make time just for me, with all the work and responsibilities I have, it can be challenging. Sometimes I get lost in the cluster of it all.