out of the blue | george clarkey

10; i'm proud of you

tw: slight mentions of addiction and therapy

elena's pov

thankfully the rest of my sleep was nightmare free. these nightmares were nothing new, i had them through the relationship and just after we broke up. the difference being now, i can separate the dreams from my reality as he's not with me anymore.

i wake up the next morning with a dead arm, i open my eyes to realise george was in my bed and i had slept with my arm stretched out touching his shoulder. i was very drunk last night but i do remember what happened and i don't regret any of it but i still had lots of thoughts in my head that i needed to figure out. i lift my arm off george and the loss of contact causes him to stir, shit. he eventually wakes up and turns to look at me. "sorry for waking you" i say cringing slightly and feeling bad. "nah it's fine, i was already half awake anyways i think" he smiles at me and for a second everything that happened in my dreams was forgotten about.
"thank you for staying with me last night. i'm sorry you had to see that" i say to him. "it's alright, i just wanted to make you were okay. are you okay? i feel like this goes beyond what i can do, elena" george says to me with sincerity and it was true, it wasn't his job to help me and i needed to do it myself. "no, i'm not okay to be completely honest. i vape, i smoke, i drink to numb the pain because i can't address my problems and to be honest george, i'm scared but i'm getting help and one day i won't be scared anymore" george smiles sympathetically and i just want to kiss him but i refrain myself. "i'm glad to hear that. i'm always here but i think this goes beyond my expertise and i'm glad you're talking to someone". truth is, i haven't been to therapy in over a month, it's the main reason i've reverted to the old me these past few weeks so i've decided it's time to go back. not only for myself, but for the people around me. george has been the most amazing person to me these past few weeks but it's not fair on him anymore and as things get more serious i want to be able to be myself to him and not just an emotional burden.

george and i get out of bed and he goes back to his room to get ready for the day. i get changed and do my hair. i head out into the kitchen and george is sat with a bowl of cereal watching tv. "i've booked in with my therapist, so i'll be gone for a couple hours, see you in a bit" i tell george as i leave. "see you later, hope it all goes okay" i smile and close the door.

i make it to my therapist's office and sit down on her purple sofa. i always thought it was the most disgusting colour choice for a sofa but she told me it represents mindfulness and it was also the only one ikea had in stock at the time. she starts off scolding me for not coming back to her for weeks but we're soon back on track, i fill her in on everything about the breakup and thomas but soon she's asking me about george.
"so now, you keep mentioning george. what's the deal there?" she asks me. "i don't know. i met him only a few weeks after the breakup but he's just been everything i've needed. not in a rebound kind of way but just in a supportive kind of way. i'm really starting to think i like him but i feel like i cant get into a relationship or even just be involved with someone so close to my last relationship" i explain my thoughts. "but realistically, your last relationship wasn't a loving, healthy relationship so you probably checked yourself out mentally long before it ended, so i wouldn't beat yourself up for meeting someone so quick. but also, be aware right now you're emotionally vulnerable so your brain is going to latch onto any positive attention it receives. that's why it's important for you to get better for yourself and then you can see if george contributes to your happy life as opposed to providing it." she explains and it all just makes sense. she's right. right now george gives me attention and i'm latching onto every second of it because my brain is craving it but i need to be latching onto it because i want it as opposed to need it. "i really do want to work on myself and see where this goes, i'm ready" i say and she smiles. "good, i'm gonna schedule you in twice a week for the time being because i think it's necessary and we'll see how it goes" we conclude the session and i make the journey home.

i walk back in to george in the same position he was in earlier, which makes me laugh subconsciously. he turns to face me and smiles at me. "hey" i say and make my way over to the sofa. he turns the tv off and turns his attention to me. "how did it go?" he asks.  i sit across from him, "it was okay. she told me off for not going to see her for a few weeks but i told her literally everything and now we're gonna work through it. it will take some time but i'm gonna try" i tell him confidently. "i'm really proud of you" he says and it almost brings tears to my eyes. i've never heard them words before so it really meant a lot. i reached over to george and hugged him. it was a impulsive decision but it felt right to me. thankfully he reciprocated and we stayed like that for a moment. i pull away and soon the door is burst open. "i'm backkkkk" it was alex, back from his trip. "hello" i say turning around to face him. he sits down and fills us in on his trip with alice and we end up ordering pizza and having a chill movie night.