ephemeral [ Conrad Fisher ]

11

THE first time Conrad had snuck into my room was three years ago, we were fourteen and had spent the day at the Ice Skating rink nestled in the center of town, he had knocked on my door at eight am sharp, with an annoyed Jeremiah flanking his side and demanded we spend the bitter day out of our houses. I knew something was wrong when he wanted to stay out until the sun had set and dinner had long since been served. I remember that night like it was yesterday.

"Conrad, it's too cold out can we please go home?" Jeremiah whined, his cheeks red from the bitter winter air "We've been out here all day I'm sure mom and dad want us home."

Conrad sighed, offering his younger brother his scarf "Just another hour Jere."

"Dad's leaving tonight I don't want to miss him leaving."

It was quiet and tense as Conrad eyed Jeremiah "I said another hour okay?"

"Why don't we grab a hot chocolate jere?" I offer softly, holding my hand out for the younger boy to grab "That should warm us right up."

Jeremiah nodded as he grabbed my hand letting me skate us to the end of the rink

"Why don't you sit and I'll grab them? Think I have some hot hands in my bag still." The boy just nods at me as he sits on the wooden bench digging through my small bag leaving me to get the hot chocolate.

Jeremiah wasn't much younger than Conrad and I, but the year bridging between thirteen and fourteen was a big one. Conrad last year was a lot like Jeremiah, hyperactive and just so boy. I could only hope that Jeremiah wouldn't fall into this intense funk that Conrad had fallen into here recently.

"Here let me help you." Conrad's voice is soft as he stands close to me, an arm wrapped around my shoulder pulling me into his side as he snags one of the cups from my hands "Thank you."

"For?"

Conrad's lips quirk a little "For the hot chocolate nox, and for dealing for Jeremiah." he nods to his younger brother who was busy tucking the hot hands into his gloves

"Oh, I don't mind really 's not a big deal."

Conrad pulled me closer to his side, the silence light and welcomed as the sun falls off the horizon.

I was an hour and a half late getting home, I missed my parents leaving for work in London, much like the Fisher boys had missed their dad leaving for business in the city. I sat in the shower for an hour before I finally felt the chill leave my bones. I didn't expect to leave my bathroom and find a crying Conrad Fisher sitting on my bed.

"What's wrong?" I frowned, sitting close to the boy - seeing him cry had alarm bells ringing in my brain. Big bad brooding Conrad Fisher never cried.

"I thought we were gone long enough nox he was supposed to be gone."

"You're dad?"

He nods dropping his head in his hands "They've been arguing since this morning and I tried to make sure Jeremiah didn't hear but we got back and they were still going at it."

I rubbed small circles across his back frowning "Oh Con 'm so sorry. Do you know why they're arguing?"

"I think my dad cheated nox." he said softly turning to face me "I just I can't believe it, I just he's been fucking up so much lately it's hard not to notice. I mean last week he spent all day getting drunk playing golf and he forgot her birthday. Can you believe that? He asked me to sign his name on the card Jere and I got her and I fucking did like an idiot."

He spent all weekend at my house, even staying for the Sunday dinner my mom made when she and my dad got home that day. They didn't ask any questions and simply reminded Conrad that he was always welcome at our house.

THE last time Conrad had snuck into my room was this past fall, as high as he is right now he crawled into my bed and laid his head on my chest, letting me run my hand through his hair as we sat in silence. It was then that I realized something was very wrong again.

Fucking trigonometry was kicking my ass I had been staring at the first problem on my computer screen for so long that my eyes had begun to blur. I sighed as I set my laptop on my bedside table knowing tomorrow I'd have to get over Conrad being a dick all week and ask him for help with the problems. Pulling the string on my lamp I closed my eyes, it was late and today had been one of those fall days. The type where the day dragged on and everything just felt sad.

It wasn't until I heard the creak of the floorboards that my eyes snapped open, it took moments for my eyes to adjust to the darkness to realize it was Conrad who was crawling into my bed and laying his head on my chest.

"Conrad?" I whispered softly

The silence was deafening and the smell of smoke lingered in the air as I ran my hand through his hair. It felt like we had laid like that for hours but really it had only been minutes.

"I'm sorry nox. I wish I could be better."

My hand stilled in his hair for a moment "You have nothing to apologize for Con."

"I'm scared nox, I'm really fucking scared."

"What's wrong?"

He never answered me, instead, we stayed that way until our breathing shallowed out and sleep greeted us.

Conrad was gone when I woke up that morning, but the lingering smoke on my sheets was enough to know I hadn't dreamed it. I think my mom knew he had snuck into my room, she gave me a knowing look as we sat for breakfast but she didn't say anything. She and Susannah had been tied at the hip since the boys and I had become friends and I couldn't help but wonder if maybe, just maybe, she knew why Conrad was struggling.

Conrad and I didn't talk about it that day as we sat in his living room working on my trigonometry homework, in fact, we never talked about that winter night.