Chapter 13

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          *15 April, 1912*

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*15 April, 1912*

Lily searched all over the boat deck for signs of anyone she knew. She forced herself to keep walking, although her body desperately wanted to lay down and recover from the night of seasickness it endured. With every depressed and blank stare Lily observed, her heart broke more and more. Lily kept looking and her eyes eventually landed on her Mother. Lily felt relief that her mother had survived, despite all the struggles they've been through. Lily walked up to her and smiled softly. "Hello, Mother." Lily said softly. Dorothy glanced up at her daughter and sighed in relief. "Oh, Lily. Thank the Lord you are safe." Dorothy praised as she took her daughter in her arms. Lily was stunned by the interaction but hugged her mother back nonetheless. "What happened to Father and George? Where's Johnny?" Lily asked, hoping that they had somehow managed to be saved. "I don't know what happened to John. He wouldn't get on the boat." Dorothy commented. Lily immediately stepped back from her mother and glared down at her mother. "I beg your pardon?" Lily snapped. Dorothy rolled her eyes, pulling a blanket tight to her. "We got in one of the first boats when they were still letting men on. Oh it was lovely. It was just us three, the Duff-Gordon's and then a bunch of firemen. Us and the Duff-Gordon's paid the crew to row as far from the ship as possible so that we wouldn't get swamped. " Dorothy recited as if she was a mastermind.

Lily felt sick again when she heard those words. "You bribed the crew to not go back for survivors? Knowing that your son was out amongst them?" Lily asked in disbelief. Just then, George and George junior walked up, smoking cigars. "I thought I smelled a whore." George junior commented, blowing smoke right in Lily's face. "Speaking of, what happened with your officer friend, hmm? I haven't seen him here." Dorothy poked at. Lily shook her head, backing away from her family. "Unlike you cowards... Harold emptied out his boat and went back to pick up survivors." Lily sneered.  Lily turned her back on her family and went back to searching for Harold.  Now she desperately wanted to find Harold. Harold would have the ability to check the survivor list and see if John is on board. 

Harold was walking along the deck one last time before going and laying down.  Many first class passengers on the ship very generously gave their cabins to survivors, including officers.  It had been when Harold was offered to share a cabin with Charles Lightoller that he learned his senior officer had survived.  Harold picked his head up and there she was.  Lily stopped in her tracks and tears came to her eyes.  "Harold..." Lily called out.  Harold walked quickly over to her and pulled her tight into his arms.  Lily gripped him tightly, as if the floor was going to fall in.  "I'm here, love.  I'm here." Harold reassured her, brushing her hair back.  Harold's heart thumped in his chest, knowing he had to tell her about her brother.  "Lily... there's uh.. there's something you need to know." Harold sighed.  Lily looked up at him, her chin laying on his chest. Harold couldn't look into her eyes. The eyes he fell in love with so quickly. The eyes that for once, he was avoiding. Lily noticed the way he was avoiding her as well. "What is it, my love?" Lily asked, rubbing his back in comfort.

Harold felt tears form in his eyes. He took a shaky breath before speaking. "I found John." Harold told her. Lily could tell by his expression that it wasn't in a good way. "He's dead... isn't he?" Lily questioned. Harold nodded, stroking her hair more. "He was alive when I found him. We pulled him out of the water and got him covered with blankets. I even tried rubbing his arms to get him to warm up. But he fell asleep and never woke up. He died while we were en route to this ship." Harold explained to her. Lily had tears falling from her eyes as she just stared off into the distance. She didn't want to believe her little brother was dead. The only family member that protected her. Harold could see her heart breaking and held her closer to his chest. "I brought him on board so you could say goodbye." Harold told her. Lily broke down in that moment. She couldn't imagine saying goodbye to her younger brother. As Lily cried hard, Harold scooped her up in his arms and carried her to where his cabin was to give her privacy.

Harold found out how exhausted she really was when she fell asleep before he even got to the door of his cabin. He opened the door and laid Lily on the bed. Charles was asleep on the other bed, so Harold grabbed an extra pillow and blanket and laid it down on the ground. He was so exhausted he knew he'd be able to sleep on the floor. Harold gently pulled Lily's shoes off her feet and then pulled the sheets up to her chin. Harold laid a soft, gentle kiss on his cheek that was still wet from her tears. Harold took off his jacket and laid on the floor but as soon as he closed his eyes for sleep, the pale, lifeless faces of the lost souls came to haunt him. Harold panicked and immediately sat up to catch his breath. Harold tried many times to sleep, but every time he closed his eyes, instantly he would see every dead body he passed.

Harold crawled to the corner of the room and brought his knees up to his head, taking deep breaths to calm his racing heart. As Harold took a deep shaky breaths, the sobs started racking his body. Lily stirred awake, tears already back in her eyes from the loss of her brother. Lily looked over at the other bed and saw the Officer who saved her from her father sound asleep as if he was dead. Lily sat up in bed and her eyes caught Harold's body curled up in the corner. Lily pushed the blankets off her body and crossed over to crouch down in front of her lover. "Harold, look at me." Lily spoke softly. Harold hadn't even heard her get out of bed so he was startled to hear her voice so close to him. Harold looked into her hazel eyes, tears still in the corner of her eyes. "You're here, my love. You're here, not out there." Lily reminded him, as if she could read his mind. "Had I gone back earlier.... I could have saved more. I could have saved John." Harold sniffled, now turning his attention to his fidgeting fingers. "My love.... without you, my brother would have died out in that ocean cold and alone. You went back and that is all that matters. Your bravery needs to be celebrated." Lily encouraged. Harold scoffed and shook his head, taking her hands in his. "Absolutely not." Harold disagreed. Lily knew she wasn't going to get through to him anytime soon so she just stroked the back of his hands and stood up.

"Come to bed, my dear. You are exhausted. Lay in bed instead of this awful floor." Lily instructed him. Harold stood up from the floor and Lily helped him undress for bed and then get under the sheets. Lily laid next to his body and wrapped her arms around him. Harold felt a sense of security in Lily's arms. "If you'll still have it, I would still be honored to have you as my wife." Harold muttered out, his eyes drifting closed. Lily cracked a smile and looked up at him. "Of course, my love." Lily answered. Harold pulled her into his chest and soon drifted off to sleep. Lily watched his face for a while as he slept. Lily wanted to marry him as soon as they dock in New York before her parents could sabotage it, but she was excited nonetheless about marrying Harold. He taught her what unconditional love was and Lily read enough books to know that you only find that once in life if you were lucky. Lily also accounted that they both just survived a life altering event that most people never experience in their life. Lily soon followed Harold into a slumber, the two feeling safe and secure in each others arms. Lily would deal with her grief and her family once she woke up, and Harold was by her side.

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