❀wedding blues❀

part 6

We sat there in silence as I waited for Rui's response. 

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" Well? Who?" I yelled out. Small tears formed running down my eyes. They felt warm as the salt of my tears left off a burning sensation in my skin. Waiting for what felt like hours I saw his eyes move back in forth but never meeting mine. 

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" I'm sorry, Tsukasa.." I heard his soft crisp voice leave those words out of his mouth. He was an empty shell of a man just tears pouring out as he was holding his mouth. He turned his head in shame falling and crumbling to pieces... I only felt pity for him. He looked shattered and heartbroken almost as I was, but I couldn't excuse what had happened to me or my emotional pain crying for hours. 

He was on the floor on his knees looking down on the cold pavement of his workspace. I bent down getting on his level. I took his cold hand and held it in my own. He didn't look at me... 

I broke the silence.. "Rui.. you've hurt me. I love you yet you cheated from my understanding. I know I may arrogant and very loud. I have feeling it hurts. But I'm aware that you have feelings too. S-so please, tell me who did what or at least be honest i-if that you've fallen out of love or reconsidered this whole relationship!" I stated to the best of my abilities. I felt my voice tense stinging from dryness. 

I felt a hand on my cheek. I felt warmness that I've felt before.. It didn't feel like daggers. I open my eyes and Rui looking at me, eye red and puffy and nose drooping. 

"T-Tsukasa. I love you with all my heart. You mean the whole world to me. You are my sekai. I would love you to the moon and back.. I wouldn't dream of hurting you. You mean everything to me" he coughs and sniffles, " The truth is... yes, the events that happened were true.. I was an unfaithful man and cheated as you know... And there is no valid reason ever to do such a thing. I am disgusted with myself with my actions, especially hurting the one I love most. I want to give you the whole truth and nothing more.." 

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" Before our big day, I was invited to bar with my friends. I didn't want to get wasted or drink so much because I knew this a big and important day for y- no for us... I ruined it all once one of my friends pressured me to drink more and more... I was drunk, wasted, that I felt taken advantage of by one of them... I woken up to realize this huge mistake.. That is my whole truth I swear my heart and soul. I understand this isn't a excuse at all and I understand if we break up.. I-i'm so sorry Tsukasa.." 

He started sobbing loud gripping on my shoulder tightly. I held him closer holding him tightly. The pain he felt...was mostly likely not as bad as mine... He.. was taken advantage and had to bare it all... Was he afraid to tell me? I felt speechless and I started holding him tighter. I started to cry... Both of us on the cold concrete crying our eyes out.. 

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"I- I'm so sorry, Rui" 

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" D-don't be... It w-was my fault..." 

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"no.." 

I let him go.. and he did the same. He sniffled getting as much water out of his eyes..

" I think it's my time to go.. I love you so much".. He got up...kissed me on the forehead and walked by the door.. I don't what overcame but I grabbed his arm.. I didn't want him to go. I knew he was sincere to his confession and I still loved him and didn't want to let him go... For almost 12 years together as friends, lovers, to fiancés from now I didn't want it to be a waste. I dwell to long on this and I can't let go. I knew I couldn't let go. He was hurt.. not smiling as he used to, empty on the inside. He was taken advantaged and berated by me...

"Tsukasa, you need to let go." he said sternly. I couldn't I grabbed his arm more and pushed myself onto him and kissed his lips.. They were soft and cold.. It felt so wrong yet so sweet... Rui kissed me back but shortly pulling away.

" I'm sorry... I know that was appropriate for time.. You went through something horrible.. I just- I can't let you go. You love me and I love you so so much! I can't even take it anymore... It's all confusing and a blur but all I know if I want you. I want you more than anything. I want to be here for you and...I just can't.." I stutter out everything I could..., " Rui...Honey... I- I want to still be with you, but I'm aware of your feeling and events happening. Heck! I am still processing what's happening.. But I can truly say is that I love you and I understand if you need space and time.. " 

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There was another silence. Tears flooded my eyes again. Felt the roles flipped since we enter here.. Ironic... I held him arm for awhile and eventually he let's go.... This was it.. My love who I lost sight of... the one hurting deep inside from the beginning was standing here leaving I thought... 

I let go... And so, with a heavy heart and tear-stained cheeks, I watched as Rui walked away, his figure growing smaller and smaller until he disappeared into the distance, leaving behind nothing but the echo of his footsteps and the ache of his absence.... The door shut.

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I wanted to go after him... But I couldn't everything was mess, yet I wished it wasn't. I didn't deserve this neither did I... I wish this never happened. I wish I wasn't hurt. I wish that Rui didn't suffer. 

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