Silakbo

Kabanata 2

Topic Warning: Suicidal, Cyber Bullying, and Mention of Blood

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RONA

I went straight to my house after talking to Harold. Hindi siya ang po-problemahin ko ngayon.

Bwisit na hacker 'yan. Walang magawa sa buhay. I already expected this to happen, but not that early. Ine-expect kong mali-leak ang blog ko bago kami gumraduate. Meron na akong pinaghihinalaan kung sino ang hacker na 'yan. I will not confront that person. I'll let them do what they want.

Agad akong pumasok sa kwarto ko. I opened my pc and went to my website. All of my hatred in that class was written here. From the most philanthropic to the most pestiferous. Lahat ng baho nila, inilabas ko sa blog na 'to.

Kung sa tingin niya, mapapabagsak na niya ako ng ganon-ganon lang, nagkakamali siya. That hacker didn't know what I am capable of. They probably think that I am now giving up dahil lang sa nakalat na ang blog ko.

Pabor pa nga sakin ang ginawa niya dahil malalaman na ng lahat ang tunay na ugali ng section z.

I was about to post an update on my blog when a notification from Facebook popped up. Galing kay Angelica. Nang i-click ko 'yon ay narinig ko agad ang boses ni Chrystal.

"This is Ronaliza demonyita. Ang gumawa ng walang kwentang blog about sa mga kaklase niya. She even called me impakta? Is that even right?"

See Comments.

— grabe HAHAHAHA
— hindi ka na nahiya sa nanay mo
— ganyan na ba talaga ang mga kabataan ngayon?
— pa-like po if may update na
— juzzku ...ano i2ng pingpupost niu!!! juzko dming bata d2 s fb....mkkita nla yn ,,, hayz kwawa mga mgolang niu,,..yn b tinuro sainyu za skol..... pg nkita yn ng mga bata gagaya yn,,,.sna bago mgpost pg izipan mona..!!!
— kala mo kung sinong maganda
— buti nga sayo!
— kung buhay ang nanay mo, malamang ikinahiya ka na rin niya!
— HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA KAWAWA

Sa dami ng comments about sakin, iilan lang ang tumatak sa isip ko.

Kung buhay ba si mama, ikakahiya niya ba ako? Kung buhay si mama, magiging ganito ba ako? Kung buhay ba si mama…

It hurts.

I thought they would believe and side with me after learning about their dark sides. I thought they would despise them after knowing what their real personality is. I thought they would sympathize with me as I write about my experience as a victim of those scumbags.

But I was wrong.

Their words about my mom pierced through my heart. Telling me to follow her made me want to stop living. Saying that her death was my fault; that I am not a good daughter; that I am just a worthless kind of person; na hindi ko deserve mabuhay.

I cried, feeling the pain in my chest. I cried, having a hard time breathing. I cried until I got the scissor to cut my hair. I can't help it. It seems like a monster was whispering to me to do it. Voices in my head were presiding me to end my life because that is what makes them happy. But I manage to disobey them by cutting my hair short.

I deleted my blog. I accepted defeat.

Humiga ako sa kama ko, hindi pa rin ako natigil sa pag-iyak. Nahihirapan na rin akong huminga dahil sa sakit sa dibdib ko. Still, I cried myself to sleep.

Nagising ako dahil sa ingay sa labas. Tumingin ako sa alarm clock ko, umaga na pala. Nagdire-diretso ang tulog ko kahapon.

Lumabas ako to see my dad packing his things. Stay in na naman ang work niya. Hanggang kailan na naman ang aabutin niya roon?